


i can't spend my whole life dreaming

by giveupgetdown



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Foster Care, Jack Kelly Needs a Hug, M/M, Modern Era, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-21 01:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 40,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13729824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giveupgetdown/pseuds/giveupgetdown
Summary: His brothers and Santa Fe. These are the only things that Jack Kelly cares about. He can't wait for the day he can leave New York behind. New York has done nothing but disappoint and hurt him. There's no reason to stay.Then a new family moves in upstairs and everything changes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Jack and Davey end up together at the end of the story but their relationship is not the main focus of the story. This is 100% a Jack centric story.
> 
> I pictured the Newsies Live cast as I wrote this.

Jack takes in the Santa Fe air.

The sun’s just coming out and he’s riding his horse, feeling the morning wind in his hair, and watching as his surroundings slowly gets brighter. Everything’s quiet, give or take a few cars already heading down the roads, and Jack wishes he could freeze this moment. He rides a little bit more, pretending like he’s the only one in this world until he hears the sound of the morning bell.

He loves the mornings.

The sun’s finally out and so are the birds, chirping away and the bell continues to ring. It’s ringing and ringing and –

It’s not a bell.

Jack groans, officially awake, and he winces as he leans over to shut off his alarm. He can’t move much, there’s something heavy on top of his legs, and when he looks he sees that it’s Elmer’s leg over his own. The alarm hasn’t woken him and he’s still passed out, his thumb in his mouth, and it’s these moments that Jack thinks are the only moments he feel peace. He craves that feeling, the one he feels in his dreams far away, and lets his eyes shut for a few more minutes. A dog barking awakens him once again and when he looks at the clock he sees that twenty minutes have gone by. He curses to himself and rolls out of bed, not even caring if it wakes Elmer. He looks behind him as he makes his way to the door and sees that it hadn’t. Good. He’ll miss the chaos that is sure to come.

He opens the bedroom door slowly with shaking hands. He closes his eyes, not wanting to know if any lights are on and if the noise of someone shuffling around will fill his ears. This anxiety and anticipation is one he’s felt too many times before but he never gets used to it.

He hates the mornings.

Jack opens his eyes. The apartment is still dark but when he makes it to the kitchen he can see light peaking through the closed door of the bedroom nearby.

He gives a sigh of relief. The man’s awake, but he hasn’t come out yet.

Jack rubs his eyes as he starts his daily routine. Eggs and bacon with coffee. He switches between glancing at the clock and the door as he cooks, thankful for every moment that the man doesn’t emerge from the bedroom because he just might get breakfast done in time.

The door opens as he’s putting the eggs on the plate. Jack doesn’t look up, just continues getting the bacon on the plate as well, and right as he sets it down the coffee is ready. He fills a cup and sets it down on the table. The man digs into the meal, paying no attention to Jack. He’s satisfied and that’s Jack’s cue to get away before he does something to change that.

Elmer’s in a different position on the bed when he gets back to the room. His thumb’s still in his mouth but he’s sitting up against the pillows instead of sleeping. Jack closes the door and then crawls onto the bed, scrunching up his face in a way that makes him laugh and give a playful growl as he pulls his hand so his thumb is free.

“You gotta stop doing that, kiddo,” he says, giving him a stern look, “I might have to put some polish on your nail. That thumb of yours definitely won’t taste good no more.”

“Sorry,” Elmer whispers, and Jack gives him a kiss on the forehead before grabbing him and moving him closer. “It’s okay, kiddo. Besides, it’s not like I actually have any of that polish. But your thumb better be prepared,” he jokes, as he pretends to grab at his thumb.

Elmer laughs again and snuggles up in Jack’s embrace. He really does need to find that polish. Elmer’s four now and Jack remembers when he was his age his thumb sucking days were over. Crutchie and Race’s, too.

He sits there, listening to Elmer’s breathing, and the sound of the man finishing his breakfast. He can hear the chair scrape along the floor and the sound of dishes being left in the sink for him to clean. The door to the man’s bedroom shuts and Jack closes his eyes. Soon the man will be gone for the day. Soon he’ll be able to actually breathe.

When the man finally does leave Jack waits for the sound of the door locking before getting up.

“Time to start the day, kiddo,” he says and Elmer scrambles out of bed. “Potty!” He exclaims, and Jack gives him a nod and watches as he leaves the room.

Jack follows him out the door but goes left while he goes right towards the bathroom. The door next to their room is closed and Jack knocks loudly.

“Crutchie, Race, wakey wakey,” he calls out and then opens the door.

Both boys are still in bed, groaning as the light from the hallway shines through their dark bedroom.

“C’mon, gotta eat and then go,” Jack tells them, turning on the light in their room. He makes his way to Race first and shakes him.

“I’m up, I’m up,” he whines, sitting up slowly.

Crutchie sits up and grabs his crutch to get out of bed.

“Morning, Jack,” Crutchie yawns as he makes his way out of the bedroom. Jack gives him a pat on the shoulder as Crutchie walks past him.

Race is finally out of bed and Jack follows behind him to meet Elmer in the kitchen. He’s at the cabinet trying to jump up and open the higher cabinet that stores the cereal.

“Almost got it, squirt,” Race says and Elmer sticks his tongue out at him. Race opens the cabinet and pulls out the cheerios as Jack gets the milk out of fridge and then gets the bowls.

“How was he this morning?” Crutchie asks, pouring cereal in Elmer’s bowl and then in his own. Race snatches the cereal box once he’s done.

Jack shrugs. “He didn’t say nothing to me.”

“I like it when he don’t talk,” Race says with a mouth full of cereal, “means I can’t say nothing back that’ll piss him off.”

Jack chuckles. “I like it when you don’t talk too,” he says, “means the food stays in your mouth.”

Race rolls his eyes.

They finish breakfast and Race helps Jack clean their dishes as well as the man’s. “Get your clothes picked out and your backpack ready,” Jack tells him as Crutchie takes a shower. Race nods. “What’s for lunch?” He asks.

“Well you can have either peanut butter and jelly or peanut butter and jelly,” Jack smirks. Race pretends to think. “Hmm, think I’ll go with… peanut butter and jelly.”

“Good choice,” Jack says, pulling out the bread, “Now go.”

Jack makes the two lunches while the boys get ready. Twenty minutes later the fifteen and twelve year old are putting on their backpacks and heading out the door.

“Bus ain’t here yet,” Race says with a pout, “All that rushing was for nothing,” he says to Jack.

“Well now you have more time to read your comics. Guess I did you a favor after all,” Jack replies, and Race rolls his eyes. Jack opens his mouth but Race stops him. “Don’t even say it,” he says, “Let me guess. One of these days my eyes are gonna roll outta my head,” Race mocks.

“They sure are,” Jack laughs, ruffling Race’s hair. He’s gotten more of an attitude since he turned twelve and some days it scares Jack how much it’ll get him in trouble and other days he just lets the kid be a kid.

The bus comes and the boys say goodbye. “Good luck on that English test,” Jack says to Crutchie. “Been rereading the chapter all morning,” Crutchie smiles, holding up the book in his hand. “Get some rest, Jack,” he then says in a more serious tone. Jack nods and pats Crutchie on the shoulder and helps him up the bus’ stairs before going back next to Elmer.

Jack picks up Elmer and they both wave as the bus drives away. “You ready, squirt?” Jack says and Elmer nods. They make their way up to the apartment to enjoy the hours they have where they’re free to move around without fear. Elmer runs to the couch and Jack puts on PBS kids for him to watch and then grabs a couple worksheets for him to do later. Crutchie was able to print them out at school. Elmer will be eligible for kindergarten next year and Jack wants him to be ready.

Jack would be a senior if he was still in school. The last time he went he was a year older than Race. Jack often wonders what it would be like if he still went. He and Crutchie would be at the same school. Crutchie’s been talking about how there’s a dance coming up next month. Any other seventeen year old would be focused on finding a date but he’s not like most seventeen year olds.

He spends the day hanging out with Elmer and doing his chores. It’s a little past noon when he hears some stomping coming from above. Jack looks out the window and sees a moving truck on the street. Well that explains it. The apartment above has been empty these past few months but it sounds like it’s occupied again.

Elmer’s eyes are glued to the cartoon he’s watching and Jack decides to people watch. He sees a man and a woman, obviously husband and wife, grabbing boxes and bringing them inside. There’s a little boy who looks older than Elmer just by a few years running around outside. Jack thinks that’s everyone but then another boy comes out from the building to grab another box. His hair is dark like Jack’s and he looks to be around the same age.

The older boy says something to the younger boy who whines in response. “But Davey…” He can hear the younger boy say before the older boy walks back into the building. The younger boy grabs a smaller box and follows him inside.

Jack’s staring at where the boys once stood when Elmer taps him on the shoulder. He flinches at the surprise contact and Elmer looks at him with sad eyes.

“Sorry kiddo,” he says, “You caught me day dreaming. Wassup?”

“I’m hungry,” he whispers, and Jack gives him a warm smile. “That’s good, cause there’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich calling your name,” Jack tells him and lifts him up to take him to the kitchen. He plops him down on a chair at the kitchen table and starts to make his lunch.

He makes a sandwich for himself as well and as they’re eating Elmer’s blabbering on about the show he just watched. Jack’s not really listening. For some reason the only thing he can hear is the name of the boy from outside being repeated in his head.

_Davey._


	2. Chapter 2

Crutchie and Race get back around 4:00. Jack can hear them in the hallway, stomping up the steps and talking gleefully in conversation.

“Jack, we’re home,” Crutchie yells out. Elmer runs down the hallway to give his brothers a hug.

“Hey there Elmer,” Crutchie says, as Elmer puts his arms around him. “You have a good day with Jack?

Elmer nods. “We watched superhero cartoons!”

“Sounds like fun,” he tells him. Race moves past Crutchie and Elmer and throws his backpack on the floor. “I have so much homework,” he whines.

“Then you better get started before Snyder get home,” Crutchie tells him.

Jack winces at the thought of Race yelling and complaining when the man is home. “Pick up your stuff and put em in your room, Race,” he orders and Race groans but follows Jack’s directions.

Crutchie follows and put his backpack on his bed, looking through it before pulling out a piece of paper. “Got a 100 on my chapter summary,” he brags.

Jack gives him a high five. “And your test?”

“Pretty sure I aced it too.”

“Smarty pants,” Race mocks. Crutchie sticks his tongue out at him.

Jack looks at the time. “Alright we got 45 minutes before he gets home,” Jack says.

Race and Crutchie nod and start getting their homework out. “I know he didn’t say nothing but did he seem like he was in a good mood?” Crutchie asks.

Jack shrugs. “I dunno, but I got all my chores done so he don’t have any reason to be upset. Your laundry is on top of the dryer by the way. Make sure you bring to your room before he gets here.”

“I’m on it,” Crutchie says, taking his crutch and walking past Jack. He slides the door open to the small area that holds their washer and dryer. Jack has stacked the clothes in two neat piles; one for Crutchie and one for Race. Crutchie figures Jack already put his own clothes up in his and Elmer’s closet along with his stuff. Same with Snyder’s. Crutchie sighs as he takes his clothes. He had been so excited when Jack and Elmer came to live with them two years ago. Jack was only two years older than him and Crutchie was excited to have someone to go to school with him so he’d have another person to hang with out at lunch. If only that ended up being the case.

The boys are almost finished with their homework when they hear the sound of the front door unlocking. Race looks up at Jack and Crutchie tries his best to ignore it.

Snyder walks into the apartment and hangs his coat up. He walks towards the back bedroom. “Hello boys,” he says to Crutchie and Race.

“Hey dad,” both boys mumble. That’s far from the truth. Snyder took them all in the same way. First was Crutchie, when he was seven, then Race, and then Jack and Elmer. For someone who only took in kids for the money and benefits he made a habit of making sure the kids called him dad. Crutchie figures it’s because it looks good in front of the social workers. It makes it seems like the kids like being under his care, that they’re a family. So even though they have to grit their teeth as they say it, they call Snyder dad.

Jack’s the exception.

“You get everything done?” Snyder asks, now in front of Jack and Elmer’s room. “Yes sir,” Crutchie can hear Jack say.

Snyder nods and walks away. Crutchie gives a sigh of relief he didn’t realizing he was holding. These past few days have been good for Jack and Crutchie’s thinking it’s gonna stay like that.

Until –

Stomping comes towards the hallway. Crutchie and Race look up to see Snyder’s face red with anger. He’s holding a jacket that he throws over the kitchen chair.

“I thought I saw extra pudding in the cabinets the other day. Now I know why,” he yells, “Get over here, Jack.”

Jack walks over, apparently too slow for Snyder’s liking because the man grabs the boy’s wrist and pulls him over to the chair as Jack lets out a yelp.

“Do you know what this is?”

“Your jacket?” Jack say, confused.

“My jacket. That I asked you to wash. My jacket that had ten dollars in the pocket _before_ you washed it and now that ten dollars is gone _after_ you washed it.”

Jack’s blinking at the jacket, his face still full of confusion.

“I didn’t see no money,” he says defensively.

Race gasps at the sound of Snyder backhanding Jack. Crutchie can hear Elmer’s small whimper in the next room.

“Are you calling me a liar?” Snyder growls.

Jack shakes his head, “No sir,” he says.

Race slowly gets up from his bed.  “What are you doing?” Crutchie asks, his voice low. Race ignores him, tiptoeing into the laundry room. Thankfully Snyder is too focused on Jack to notice.

“You want to know how I know there was money in that suit? Because I put it there. I’ve been counting, Jackie boy. There were two extra puddings than the last time I checked. Is this how you’re doing it? Going through my pockets for any money you can steal?”

Jack shakes his head no and Snyder slaps him again. He raises his hand one more time when Race yells, “Dad, wait.”

Snyder turns around and Jack looks at Race, his eye pleading to stay out of it. That’s what Jack does. No matter how deep he’s in he makes sure no one else sinks with him.

“Not now, Anthony,”

“No, dad, look,” Race says, holding out his hand and showing him a soggy ten dollar bill. “It was still in the washing machine, in the corner. Jack must not have noticed it when he was taking all those clothes out and putting them in the dryer.

Snyder’s face twitched and he growled, obviously upset that he didn’t have a reason to be mad at Jack.

“So he missed it this time. Still doesn’t explain the extra pudding.”

“The chocolate and vanilla mix? I get em from my friend cause Elmer loves them.”

It’s true. Elmer could eat pudding for every meal and be satisfied.

Snyder suddenly walks up to Race who flinches as the man grabs his chin. He stares at him for a moment before pushing him back. He turns to Jack. “You got lucky,” he sneers, and then goes into his room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Race looks at Jack whose breathing hard. He takes a step towards him but Jack takes a step back.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” Race whispers. Jack is silent and still for a moment before checking back in with reality. “You didn’t do nothing except be a good big brother. Elmer was really excited when he saw the extra pudding,” Jack says, reassuring. He ruffles Race’s hair and walks past him into the bathroom.

Crutchie leaves his room and he and Race stand outside the bathroom. “You okay?” Crutchie asks. Jack looks at them through the mirror and smiles. “Sure am, Crutch. C’mon. Finish your homework you guys. You’re almost finished.”

Race looks at Crutchie who just nods to him. “Let’s go, Race,” he says, and Race follows him into their room.

Jack goes into his own room and finds it empty. Or so it seems like it is. He squats down next to the bed and looks underneath. Elmer’s curled up; his favorite hiding place. “Hey kiddo,” Jack says gently, “Let’s get you out from there.”

Elmer crawls out from under the bed and when he’s able to get a grip on him Jack lifts him up. Elmer clings to Jack, his arms around his neck and his face hiding in his shirt. Jack lays him down on the bed and when he sits down moves him closer to him. Elmer’s staring at the red mark on his cheek with wide eyes.

“Sorry,” Elmer says, his lip trembling.

“What for?”

“I like the pudding,” he says.

“Everybody loves pudding, squirt,” Jack tells him.

“But Race got the pudding for me and now you in trouble.”

“Well I ain’t in trouble no more. And you wanna know what?” Jack whispers to him, “I’d make Race get you all the pudding in the world if he was able to.” He gives Elmer’s hair a kiss and he finally relaxes.

Jack keeps his mind off of the afternoon events by getting out his favorite super hero coloring book. They’re still coloring on the bed when it’s time for Jack to get dinner started.

“Surprise me and color me something nice,” he tells him, ruffling his hair.

Race is playing on his Nintendo DS and Crutchie helps Jack with the food. “You sure you’re okay? He asks quietly. Jack nods. “Let’s just move on,” he says.

Jack makes enough food for five but Crutchie only puts four sets of plate and silverware down. He goes over to Snyder’s room and knocks. “Dad? Food’s ready.” He then goes to get Elmer and Race.

As the kids sit down Snyder comes out too. Jack looks at him and Snyder glares at him. “Get out of my sight,” Snyder demands. Jack rushes out of the kitchen and into his room. The grumbling of his stomach that comes as he hears the sounds of dinner being eaten doesn’t faze him. It’s an unspoken rule that Snyder’s control over Jack includes meals. Jack thinks that’s why he’s in charge of the cooking, the fact that Jack makes the food that he sometimes can’t even eat gives Snyder even more pleasure.

He’s drawing in his notebook when Crutchie comes in.

“Dinner’s done,” Crutchie informs him, “Snyder wants you to clean up.” Jack puts his notebook down and Crutchie give him a pat on his shoulder as he walks out of the room. Race has already put all the dishes in the sink so all Jack has to do his wash them. He looks towards Snyder’s room and sees that the door is closed.

“He locked the food,” Race whispers. Jack looks at the fridge and the food pantry and sure enough there’s a lock on them.

”He’ll unlock em before he leaves tomorrow,” Jack reassures. “C’mon, let’s go find something on Netflix.”

They use Crutchie’s laptop to find a comedy movie to watch. By the time it’s over Elmer has fallen asleep and it’s time for Race to get to bed as well. “Night guys,” Jack says as he carries a sleeping Elmer into their own bedroom. Crutchie and Race say their goodnights and Jack closes the door.

Jack falls asleep quickly. When his alarm wakes him up he can hear Snyder in the kitchen, most likely unlocking the food. Jack wastes no time getting out of bed and meeting the man in the kitchen.

“I have to get my papers all sorted,” Snyder starts talking as Jack enters, "I’m in the mood for french toast.” He then leaves Jack alone in the kitchen. Unbeknown to Snyder, cooking actually feels calming to Jack. He used to cook for his mom occasionally, and then ended up in charge of the meals anyway once Elmer was born. He remembers how at one point his mom would come in singing, telling him how delicious everything smells, and giving him a kiss in his hair. Snyder is silent; his focus on the morning news and he never thanks Jack.

Snyder leaves and Jack gets the morning started again by waking up the boy. Soon Crutchie and Race have their backpacks and the four of them are heading down outside to wait for the bus. The door opens and he hears Race say, “Hey who are they?” before realizing that there are two new kids waiting for the bus.

It’s the brothers that Jack saw yesterday.

The oldest boy, Davey, Jack remembers, turn around and looks at them. “Uh hi, I’m Davey,” he says, holding out his hand. Crutchie smiles and shakes it. “This is my little brother, Les,” Davey says, pointing to the younger boy from yesterday.

“I’m in 2nd grade!” Les states proudly.

“I’m Race,” the twelve year old introduces. “I’m in 7th grade. Crutchie’s in 10th grade.”

Davey makes a weird face. “Race? Crutchie?” He seemed hesitant to say Crutchie’s name as if doing so would offend him.

“Nicknames,” Crutchie laughs, “It’s a long story. Although I guess not mine,” he says, sticking out his crutch. “Charlie,” he point to himself, “Anthony,” he says, pointing to Race, and then behind him, “Jack and Elmer.”

Elmer hides behind Jack’s leg but Jack waves.

“Nice to meet ya,” he says.

“Are you a senior?” Davey asks. Jack scratches the back of his neck. “Uh, I would be. I don’t go to school no more,” he explains.

“Oh you have your GED?” Davey asks with curiosity. Jack laughs. “Yeah, sure.” Davey gives another strange look but thankfully the bus comes before Jack needs to explain himself any further.

“Have a good day you guys,” Jack says, waving. Once the bus is gone he takes Elmer back up the apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Hours later the door to their apartment opens again. As Elmer runs to greet his brothers Jack hears two additional voices.

“I love Mario,” Les exclaims to Race, who must have been telling him about his Nintendo games. Can I come over and play with it some time? Please?”

Race shrugs, “I dunno but I’ll let you know if you can,” he tells Les, who makes a face of excitement in return.

Jack strolls over to the door. “What’s all this chatter?”

Crutchie nods in hello to Jack. “Did you know Davey and Les live right above us?” He asks.

Jack remembers hearing them move in yesterday but shakes his head no. “Oh really? That’s cool,” he says, and Davey nods. “Well I have to get going,” he tells the boys, motioning for Les to follow him, “I picked up a part time job before we moved. Our dad hasn’t been able to work full time lately so I’ve been helping out.”

“See you tomorrow,” Crutchie says as the boys go up the stairs to their apartment. He turns to Jack, “He’s nice. We have the same lunch hour and he sat with me.”

Jack smiles, “Good to hear,” he says.

The two older boys go out to the kitchen and the remainder of the afternoon goes by quickly. Soon Snyder’s home and it seems likes his anger from last night has vanished. He gives the boys a quick hello before sitting on the couch and turning on the television.

“Jack,” he calls out, “Get me a drink.” Jack goes and retrieves a beer from the fridge. He hands it to Snyder who gives him a nod before returning to focus on the television. Jack goes to start dinner, the boys are at the table talking and doing homework, and everything feels nice.

Race sets the table tonight. He finishes putting down the four plates as Snyder walks over to the table. He looks at Jack. “You can sit,” he says, and Jack nods. Race gets the extra plate and sets it down. Dinner is somewhat quiet tonight, except for Race bickering with Elmer about who gets more mashed potatoes. Snyder finishes his plate and pats his stomach, satisfied. “The Knicks are on tonight,” he says as he pushes his chair back and stands, “ Don’t be too loud.” He then returns to the couch without any other glance at the boys.

Once the kitchen is clean the boys go to Jack and Elmer’s room.

“Well he’s in a good mood,” Crutchie notes once the door is closed. “Yeah,” Jack agrees, “And we’re gonna make it stay that way.” The boys hang out quietly for the rest of the night. The only noises are the sounds of the basketball game and Snyder’s cheers and yells as he watches.

The next day comes and goes and then arrives the weekend. Jack feels good sleeping past his normal wake up time. The bed is comfy and Elmer hadn’t stolen all the covers in the middle of the night. Jack’s perfectly content staying in bed all day.

And then he hears the knocking on the front door.

Elmer gives a sleepy whine and turns over but doesn’t wake. There’s no sound of life from the room next door and when the knocking continues Jack gives a whine of his own. Why does _he_ have be the one that does everything? He kicks the covers off his body and grumbles to himself, opening the door of his bedroom and stomping down the hallway. He’s about to grumble out loud when he opens the door and his mouth closes at the sight of Davey standing before him.

“Oh,” Davey says, looking at Jack’s messy hair, wrinkled shirt, and sweat pants. “Did I wake you?”

“Nah,” Jack replies, blinking, even though the answer to that question is an obvious yes. “Wassup, Davey?”

“Well Les won’t stop talking about Race’s game and mom keeps telling us that today’s going to be a beautiful day and that we shouldn’t waste it indoors. I was wondering if you and your brothers wanted to walk to the park together?”

Jack stares at Davey. _You and your brothers_. Race was a hyperactive and social kid who hung out at other’s peoples’ houses all the time. Crutchie’s quieter, but he still has a few people to go out with if he wanted to. Jack, on the other hand, most people don’t even realize he exists. Besides trips to a nearby deli with Crutchie during poker night when Snyder wants the kids gone, the apartment’s been his whole world for so long. Hard to go out much when there’s a chance of someone asking what happened to your eye, or your lip, or wondering why you’re holding your arm all funny.

“If you don’t want to its okay,” Davey says, removing Jack from his thoughts. “No,” Jack says, and then groans, “Sorry. I don’t mean no as in no we don’t want to. I meant no as in no it’s okay, we do,” Jack replies, and even he doesn’t know if he made any sense. He looks towards Snyder’s room and sees the doors open. Snyder’s out, usually is during the weekends. That’s when he can spend unlimited time at the bar.

“Lemme go tell my brothers. Give us like twenty minutes,” Jack says, and Davey smiles.

“I’ll go tell Les.”

Davey runs off and Jack closes the door, pressing his forehead against it once it’s closed. He actually gets asked to hang out and he acts like a complete idiot. Typical.

He wakes up Race and Crutchie and then Elmer and as promised twenty minutes later the four boys see Davey and Les waiting outside. Les runs over to Race as he walks out of the building.

“Did you bring your DS?” He asks.

“Got it right here,” Race says, waving it around which causes Les to squeal in excitement. The two of them chat together at the head of the group while Crutchie and Davey walk behind them. Jack’s holding onto Elmer’s hand who keeps on jumping to catch up and ends up pulling Jack along with him.

The parks a bit busy but Race and Elmer are able to find a spot under a tree to play their game. Elmer runs to the playground and Crutchie, Jack, and Davey sit at a bench in close view of him.

“Jack! Crutch! Look how high I’m gonna go!” Elmer yells out as he sits on one of the swings.

“Let’s see if you can fly,” Crutchie yells to him which causes Elmer to smile widely.

“If he swings so high that he hurts himself when he tries to jump off then you gonna be the one that's dealing with him,” Jack smirks, looking at Crutchie.

Crutchie and Davey start talking about school and Jack sits back and takes in the fresh air. He's glad Snyder hasn't been too hard on him lately and that he's not hidden away indoors trying to hide a really bad injury. He tunes the noises of the park out and enjoys the breeze until Elmer calls for one of them. He ends up getting Crutchie to go with him over to the sidewalk where there’s chalk available for anyone to draw. Jack and Davey sit in silence for a few moments.

“So what do you like to do for fun around here? Davey asks, breaking the silence.

Jack scratches the back of his neck, a nervous habit. “Uh, well there’s a movie theater not too far away. Only about three subway stops. Crutchie says that the owner, Ms. Larkin, is really nice and sometimes she gives Elmer free candy. There’s an arcade down the block from the theater. I bet Les would like that.”

“Are you not a fan of movies?” Davey asks.

Jack laughs, “Who don’t like movies?”

“Well you said that Crutchie told you that Elmer gets free candy. Do you not go with them?”

Snyder enjoys the movies so Jack usually doesn’t get to go but he won’t tell Davey that. Instead he changes the subject.

“So where’d you move from, anyway?”

“We’ve already been living in Manhattan,” Davey tells him, “just had to downsize from the apartment with my dad not being able to work as much as he used to.” He tells Jack all about the area they used to live in. It’s a more expensive area, and the school is in much better shape than the one he goes to now with Crutchie. Davey also talks about his mom too. With a mom, a dad, and the fact that he once had a nicer apartment Jack can’t help but feel a bit of jealousy. Davey continues to ramble on and nothing really catches Jack’s attention until Davey mentions art.

“You an artist?” Jack asks.

Davey chuckles, “Not really,” he says, “but I needed an extra elective class and painting was the only one that fit my schedule. Luckily it’s not an advanced class.”

“I like painting,” Jack says, “getting lost in the colors and the pictures. Feels calming.”

“Calmness? In this city?” Davey jokes.

“If you block out the city then its calm,” Jack shrugs. Jack always blocks out the city, pretends he’s in the mix of orange and yellow from the Santa Fe sunset that he’s painted on the paper.

Jack doesn’t notice but Davey smiles, and then says, “Maybe you can paint with me one day. I can sure use the help.”

Before he can stop himself Jack agrees to it. “Sounds good,” he says.


	4. Chapter 4

The boys spend another hour at the park before Race and Les complain of hunger. Davey looks at his watch. “Mom probably made lunch,” he tells Les. Race looks at Jack who nods his head. “Yeah we got lunch waiting for us too,” he lies. “Lemme go get Crutch and Elmer.”

Crutchie and Elmer have moved from the sidewalk chalk to a big area of grass. They’re on their backs staring up at the sky.

“Find anything interesting?” Jack asks which causes them to finally notice him.

“A bunny!” Elmer shouts, pointing up at a cloud. Jack looks up and squints. “Oh yeah,” he says, even though all he sees is a regular puffy cloud. “Looks like he’s eating a carrot.”

Crutchie lets out a laugh and sits up. “Are we leaving?”

“Race and Les are hungry,” Jack tells him, holding out his hand for Crutchie to take. He pulls him up and hands him his crutch. Then he goes over to Elmer who jumps into Jack’s arms once he’s standing. “I wanna go on your back,” he tells Jack who groans. Elmer turns his smile into a pout. “Please?” He frowns.

“Get outta here with those puppy dog eyes,” Jack says, turning around so Elmer can jump up and get his piggy back ride. When they make it back to the apartment Crutchie gets everyone inside after saying their goodbyes to Davey and Les. Once Les is gone Davey turns to Jack.

“Would you be able to come over Wednesday?” Davey ask.

“For what?” Jack asks, confused.

“I have to show my teacher my assignment on Thursday,” Davey explains, “Maybe you can look at it first and tell me if anything needs touching up?”

Jack realizes Davey is talking about their previous conversation. The one where Jack said he'd help Davey. Jack knows he can't back out of it this so quickly.

“Oh yeah,” Jack says, rubbing his neck. “I can take a quick look at it, I guess.”

Davey gives him a big smile. “Great! Thanks, Jack.” He then waves goodbye and goes up the stairs, leaving Jack alone in the hallway.

The rest of the weekend goes by quickly and when Monday morning arrives Jack vows to make sure he does everything perfectly. He gets out of bed the second his alarm wakes him, gets Snyder’s food ready quickly so there’s no time to upset him, and starts his chores right away. When Crutchie and Race return from school he makes sure their homework is done by the time Snyder’s back from work and he makes sure he’s already cooking dinner by then, too. His plan works and except for a few shoves and insults from Snyder on Tuesday he goes to bed with his stomach full each night and wakes up Wednesday morning with his face looking nice and fresh.

“See you after school,” Davey says to him once everyone’s outside and waiting for the bus. Jack gives him a thumbs up while Crutchie gives him a look of surprise.

“After school, huh?” Crutchie whispers.

“Just helping him out with some painting,” Jack shrugs. Crutchie pats his shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad,” he says. “It’ll be nice to be in charge for a day.”

The bus arrives and once he’s back in the apartment Jack can’t help but spend the day staring at the clock. His stomach feels weird when it’s almost 4:00 and Jack doesn’t know why. When he sees the bus arriving from the window the feeling gets worse. His stomach does flip flops as he’s walking down the stairs. _Get yourself together, Jack_  he tells himself.

Davey walks off the bus and right towards him. Jack looks down at Elmer whose holding his hand “Hey buddy can you go with Race? I need to help Davey out.”

“C’mon, squirt,” Race says as he walks over.

“I’ll be back soon,” Jack tells Race and Crutchie and follows Davey and Les up the stairs.

“Mom, we’re home! I have a friend over to help me with school work,” Davey calls out as they walk through the door. Jack looks around the Davey’s apartment. It felt warm and cozy the second they walked in. Jack can see family pictures hung up all over the walls; pictures of Davey’s parents, baby pictures of Davey and Les, and pictures of the four of them together.

Snyder isn’t too big on decorations. Besides diplomas and stuff for work his room isn’t welcoming at all. Crutchie and Races’ walls have the most on it; music and movie posters all over. Jack and Elmer’s room have a few pictures on them; some of Jack’s drawings and pages that Elmer colored from his coloring books.

Jack is still looking around as Davey’s mom walks in. There’s a smile on her face and she gives Les a hug and a kiss and says hi to Davey.

“This is Jack,” Davey tells her, “he and his brothers live below us.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” his mom says as she extends her hand to shake Jack’s hand. “We’ve been so busy with the move that I haven’t been able to come down and say hello. I feel so awful!”

“It’s okay,” Jack says, “Our place is a madhouse. I got three brothers,” he explains.

“Oh yes! Your father mentioned that. I did run into him the other day,” she says, and Jack’s body freezes at the mention of Snyder. The Jacobs don’t notice as Davey’s mom continues to talk and then ask if he’d like a snack or something to drink.

Jack accepts a glass of water and then follows Davey into his bedroom.

“Alright,” Davey says, going to his desk to get his painting. “You better not laugh.”

He hands the painting over to Jack. It’s a painting of a building that Jack hasn’t seen before.

“That’s my old apartment,” Davey says as if he can hear Jack’s thoughts.

“It’s good,” Jack say.

“You don’t have to lie,” Davey laughs and Jack shakes his head. “No man, seriously. It’s good. The colors of the building are blended in nicely.”

Davey blushes a little. “Thanks,” he says as Jack hands the painting back to him. “So you miss your old neighborhood?" Jack asks.

Davey shrugs. “I guess. I mean, I grew up in that apartment. It was my first home and since college is so close it’ll be the home I remember.”

Jack can’t relate. He’s been moving around for so long that home isn’t really a concept to him. He looks at the clock on Davey’s desk. “Well I gotta go. Gotta make sure Race hasn’t destroyed the apartment,” he says, making an excuse.

“Thanks for looking over my painting,” Davey says.

“No problem.”

He says his goodbyes to Davey, and then to Davey’s mom who gives him a few cookies to give to his brothers. Jack enters his own apartment with a somber feeling. He can hear Race and Crutchie arguing over Netflix in their room. The sounds of his brothers usually makes all his thoughts disappear. It makes him live in the moment and be happy to have them.

Right now he just wants to be an only child. When he was an only child with two parents things were different. Things were better.

"Jack? Is that you?" He hears Crutchie call out. Jack closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before putting on his usual smile.

"Sure is," he replies, "and I got a surprise for you." He walks into the bedroom and holds up the paper plate full of cookies. Elmer squeals in joy and Race and Crutchie fight over who gets what piece. 

Jack stands at the door with his smile still on the outside and the somber feeling still lurking around inside. At nighttime Jack still can’t stop thinking about Davey and his happy little family. It’s a little past two in the morning and the apartment is dark and still; all the occupants except Jack fast asleep. There’s some nights when he welcomes sleep the moment his head hits the pillow. He closes his eyes and instantly hears the sounds of the horses running and the trains passing by. Other nights, like this, he’s afraid to enter his safe haven of Santa Fe. He knows that it’ll be gone just as fast as it comes to him. He can’t spend the rest of his days under the covers living a whole different life beneath his eyelids, as much as he wishes he could. If he pauses the moment then he won’t have to wait for the sound of his alarm to bring the inevitable end of his dreams. He can avoid waking up and realizing that deep down, Santa Fe is a curse as much as a blessing.

His mom always said it was a blessing. She’d sit on the couch with Jack on her lap and show him pictures of her old life. His mom was born in Santa Fe. She moved to New York like every other girl with dreams of making it big in the city that never sleeps. It gives Jack a sense of familiarity that his mom had dreams like his. It makes him think that he was always meant to dream. When Jack’s father left, Santa Fe was all his mom would talk about. How she longs to go home. How if his father hadn’t taken everything with him they’d be on the first bus back. Jack listened to her crying at night and falling asleep with the photographs still in her hands. He thinks the first time he saw his mom in that state was the first time he really dreamed. He went to bed and woke up on a ranch with his mother smiling again and it almost seemed true until the morning came.

Santa Fe is what got them through life. When they had no more money and had to stay in the shelter his mom would tell him that it wouldn’t be for long.

“Just until we make our way back to Santa Fe, Jack,” she’d promise.

After she got hired at the diner she brought her first paycheck to him and told Jack, “One step closer to Santa Fe.”

When she brought him to her new boyfriend’s place she tucked Jack in and whisper to him, “I think he’s the one. He’d be the perfect cowboy in Santa Fe.”

Elmer was born a year later. He was a curious baby, eyes moving to search every sound he’d hear. When he started crawling he’d explore every spot he could. “I can’t wait until we’re out of this cramped up apartment,” his mom would tell Elmer, “you’d have the whole land to explore in Santa Fe.”

Santa Fe was her paradise, always in the back of her mind. Even when times got tough again and she started staying out late, Santa Fe was always there. Even when the drugs changed her, made her hard on the outside, sick on the inside, there’d be a moment where her dreams would consume her reality and she’s talk about her one true home. If Santa Fe were her last words, Jack wouldn’t be surprised. Jack doesn’t know her last words; he came home from the store and found her dead on the bathroom floor with Elmer crying in the other room and Elmer’s dad nowhere to be found.

She left him with almost nothing; just like his dad and just like Elmer’s dad. The only thing that remained was the longing for a place they could only be in their sleep and that’s the curse of Santa Fe. In his dreams it welcomes him with open arms but in reality it taunts him. It yells at him through Snyder’s words that he’s a fool for thinking he’d ever reach it. The cool breeze in his dreams is suddenly a harsh wind that hurts more than Snyder’s fists or belts. Jack hears the sound of the train and runs out to it but can never catch it, can never ride it. Instead he ends up in the prison of his mind where he hears his mother’s voice reminding him that she abandoned him. She's forever haunting him and crying as the pieces of her photographs swirl around him, too torn apart to ever be put back together.

Sante Fe is just a dream and that’s all it will ever be.

Jack doesn’t sleep. He spends the night staring at the ceiling and listening to Elmer’s breathing and thinking about how he used to have what Davey has. His eyes feel sore by the time his alarm goes off and he feels like a robot as he leaves his room and starts Snyder’s breakfast. There’s no more bacon so Jack makes toast to go along with the last of the eggs. He’s sluggish, not caring about his pace. As he’s waiting for the food to cook he stares off and wishes he could escape in anything other than out west, but there’s nothing else that he knows. Just New York and Snyder –

Snyder, whose suddenly in the kitchen with him, his mouth moving but the words aren’t reaching Jack’s ears. He can, however, feel the pain near his eye that will certainly turn black and blue. The punch not only knocks him back to the present but also knocks him over.

“What the hell is wrong with you,” Snyder’s yells, withdrawing his fist and turning to the stove where his now burnt breakfast is.

“Can’t do anything right you stupid shit,” he growls, and Jack gets up and goes to help but Snyder pushes him away roughly. His back slams into one of the knobs on the cabinets and he hisses. “Just go,” Snyder snarls, “I’ll deal with you later.”

Jack doesn’t have to be told twice. He dashes from the kitchen into his room and closes the door, leaning his back against it and breathing hard. He closes his eyes again, praying he can get anything other than those stupid horses in his head, but he’s got nothing except the soft sound of Elmer’s voice.

Jack opens his eyes. Elmer’s staring at him. “Jack?” He whimpers, “Snyder mad?” He asks.

“Don’t worry about it, kiddo,” he manages to say as he gets back into bed. Elmer crawls over to his body and stares at the left side of his face where Jack can feel throbbing.

“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” Jack whispers, running his hand through Elmer’s hair to soothe him.

The sound of Snyder leaving the apartment with a slam of the door makes both boys jump, and Jack starts rubbing Elmer’s back when he starts whimpering again.

“Just close your eyes, kiddo," Jack tells him. “Sleep a little bit more. We still got time.”

They really don’t, but Jack doesn’t care. Race and Crutchie have woken up to mornings like this. Know when the day is bad before it’s even begun. Jack can hear Crutchie talking to Race, getting him out of bed and in the kitchen for cereal. The floor creaks as they move around. Race gets in the shower and Crutchie’s getting their backpacks together. Jack thinks he dozed off a bit when he hears knocking on his door and Crutchie slowly opening it.

“Jack?” He asks.

“Yeah?” Jack grunts, not even bothering to sit up.

“We’re off to school,” Crutchie says, and Jack grunts again in approval. Race tries to get in the room but Crutchie closes the door before he can, and Jack can distantly hear Crutchie telling him that Jack needs extra rest today. The apartment door opens and closes and only Jack and Elmer remain.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack stays in bed with Elmer snuggled safely against his chest for the rest of the morning. Elmer is awake most of the time but makes no effort to get out of Jack’s embrace. Jack can feel Elmer running his fingers along his arm, drawing imaginary pictures on his skin. The sensation soothes Jack and he’s once again grateful to have him there. He can’t imagine Elmer going through this without him. Their social worker had attempted to split them up at first. Jack knows why. Elmer was just two years old and what family doesn’t want an adorable toddler? Elmer was the perfect candidate for adoption, except it wasn’t going to happen if Jack was around.

No one wants the teenager with trauma. You don’t walk into a bathroom to find a dead parent and then walk out the same person.

Jack had argued when another social worker had come over to take Elmer in a different direction. The lady was young and seemed nice but he still had given her a nice ‘screw you’ and a push when it was clear they wanted to take Elmer out of his arms.

“He don’t go nowhere without me,” Jack said, firmly. After some reassurance that they were only taking him to a play area Jack sat in a room a few moments later speaking to both of the social workers.

“I understand you don’t want to leave your brother,” the female social worker said softly, “but you have to understand that Elmer can very easily be in a nice home instead of one of our facilities.”

“What about me?” Jack asked which caused her to give a concern glance to the man next to her.

“We’ll try our hardest to make sure you can stay together,” the other social worker said but his eyes didn’t make it seem like he had any truth to his words. “Until then we have an opening at a group home for boys your age.”

Jack shook his head. “I ain’t leaving him,” he said again.

 “I’m sorry but that is all we can do right now.”

“Then I want someone new to handle it,” Jack demanded.

The older social worker’s expression turned colder at Jack’s attitude. “No one else has room on their caseload. I’m sorry to say you’re stuck with me. If you care about your brother then you would do what’s best for him and right now this is what’s best for him.”

Jack bit his lip angrily.

“Like I said before:  _go screw yourself_ ,” Jack answered, his jaw clenching. He got up and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him and going towards the play area where Elmer was.

His brother was in the corner playing with toys. He looked up once Jack was near him and held his arms out. “Ack,” he said, wanting to be picked up. Jack did and Elmer’s arms went around his neck. Jack gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Nobody’s taking you from me,” he whispered, “Jack and Elmer stay together.”

“Ack!” Elmer said again at the mention of his brother’s name.

He sat down with Elmer on his lap and watched as he played with toys. A few hours passed and he read Elmer a book and built a tower of blocks with him when his social worker came into the play area.

“Mr. Kelly,” he said, “I have some good news for you. Why don’t you follow me?”

Jack stood up and lifted Elmer up again. Jack didn’t trust this guy and he wasn't going to let Elmer out of his sight again.

He followed the social worker into his office. The lady social worker for Elmer was no longer there. Instead another older gentleman was seated at the desk and stood once everyone entered the room.

“Jack this is Mr. Snyder,” his social worker introduced. Snyder extended his arm for Jack to shake it but Jack just glared at him.

“As you can see we might need to work on some social skills,” his social worker said to Snyder who laughed. They exchanged a look that Jack couldn't decipher. Then his focus was on Jack again.

“Mr. Snyder was very kind and offered to take both you and your brother in until we can work this out. It’s a very good opportunity for you. He has two other boys in his care and your stay might just become permanent.”

“Well if it ain’t then I’m not leaving unless Elmer goes with me and he ain’t leaving unless I go with him,” Jack said sternly, his glare on Snyder again.

“I’ll keep note of that,” Snyder said as he gets his hat and his coat. “Well my boys are waiting for me so let’s get your stuff so we can be on our way.”

“Thank you again for being so generous in such short notice,” the social worker said, extending his hand which Snyder shook. “Of course, Joe. I’ll make sure everything gets sorted out,” Snyder replied, his eyes on Jack as he said it.

Joe smirked. “I’m sure you will.”

Soon Jack and Elmer were on their way to their new living situation. His social worker was right in the fact that it quickly became their permanent living situation. The room Snyder had them unpack in is the room they lay in now.

Jack hears Elmer’s stomach growl and he can tell Elmer is trying to ignore it. Jack is exhausted and feels like he can still stay still for hours but he knows they need to get up.

“Somebody must be hungry,” Jack says as he sits up. “Let’s go get you some lunch. You can even have an extra pudding.”

Elmer’s face lights up at the thought of extra pudding. Jack gets himself and Elmer fed and they sit on the couch to watch television until Crutchie and Race get home. By the time that they do Jack’s eye is looking bad. Race gasps when he sees it and Crutchie gives him a look of concern.

“What happened?” He asked.

“I zoned out,” Jack admits, “burnt his breakfast.”

“Does it hurt?” Race asks and Jack shakes his head. “Nah, I’m okay. So do you have any homework?”

Race frowns at Jack’s attempt to end the conversation. “Jack it’s bad,” Race whispers.

“Hey,” Jack says warmly, “Come over here.”

He pulls Race into a hug once the boy is close enough. “I’ll get through this. _“We all_ will get through this,” he says, “we always do.”

Race stays in his embrace until he can feel Crutchie’s hand on his shoulder.

“Let’s go get our school work done,” Crutchie says. Race nods and gives another glance at Jack before bringing his backpack to his room.

“Need any help with chores?” Crutchie asks, knowing Jack probably wasn’t able to get much done today.

“Dishwasher needs to be unloaded,” Jack tells him and Crutchie gets to work as Jack sits back on the couch with Elmer. Once the dishes have been put back in the cabinet Crutchie leaves them alone. He stops in the bathroom and closes the door. He puts the toilet lid down so he can sit and once his crutch is out of his hand he puts he puts his hands over his eyes as he tries to stop the tears that he knows are there from falling.

He knows what Jack is going through. Race does as well because before Jack arrived it was them who felt the physical pain. Crutchie doesn’t know what’s worse; the physical pain from Snyder’s hits or the emotional pain that comes with watching Jack take them so no one else has to.

One day none of them will have to take the pain.

Crutchie wishes that day was now.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack enjoys spending the day on the couch. It’s easy to pretend that he’s young again and that his mom is with him. Television was always his reward for finishing homework and many times his mom would end up sitting on the couch next to him. Jack wishes Elmer could have the same memory but if his mom isn’t there to make them then at least he is.

The show that they’ve been watching ends and Jack knows that it means it’s time to start making dinner. He uses the bathroom as soon as he gets up and sighs as he finally takes in his eye. He’s been avoiding his own reflection today but Races’ concerns for him start to sink in as he stares at the black eye Snyder has given him. The skin around and below his eye is dark and purple and even though Jack only gives it a light touch he causes himself to flinch in pain.

 _Guess I won’t be giving no painting advice to Davey any time soon_ , he thinks and then his face scrunches up in confusion. Why is he even thinking about Davey right now? He gives himself another glance in the mirror and shakes his head. _Get it together, Jack._

As he opens the bathroom door and steps out into the hallway another door opens as well. Snyder walks through the front door and Jack freezes.

“Hello, sir,” Jack says.

The door to Crutch and Races’ room opens. “Dad?” Crutchie asks, “You’re home early.”

“I wanted to make sure no one burned this place down,” he sneers, looking at Jack as he walks into the kitchen. “Oh good,” he says, taking a look around, “It’s still here. It’s a little dirty but it’s still here.”

Jack resists the urge to roll his eyes at Snyder’s comments when he hears the man clearing his throat dramatically.

“I said it’s a little dirty,” he tells Jack.

Jack goes to the cabinet holding the cleaning supplies and grabs the multi purpose cleaner and starts spraying and wiping down the counters.

“Let’s see what we should have for dinner,” Snyder says opening the fridge. He closes it and then opens the pantry. “Hmm looks like all we have are food that needs the stove or oven. Have you remembered how to cook yet or am I going to find you standing like an idiot again as you ruin even more food?” Snyder asks with a smirk.

Jack doesn’t look up at the insult and just focuses on cleaning the counter. _It was one time. Get the hell over it, Spider,_ Jack thinks to himself.

Jack hears Crutchie gasp and he looks up at him. He had forgotten he was even there. Then Jack hears the slamming of the pantry and sees Snyder’s face is angry again.

When everything clicks Jack can feel the color draining in his face. No. No no no. Snyder couldn’t have heard. He didn’t even say it out loud! Except that he must have because now Snyder is grabbing him by the arm.

“I am sick and tired of your behavior,” Snyder yells, pulling him towards his bedroom. “I invited you into my home and this is how you keep repaying me?” They enter Snyder’s room and Jack knows that he’s going in the closet. Snyder has two closets in his room; one for his clothes and one that is empty. While all the children, even Elmer, have spent time in the closet for punishment, Jack is the most frequent visitor. Snyder throws him in and Jack lands on the hard floor. Snyder slams the door shut and Jack hears the click of the lock that keeps him trapped inside the darkness.

From inside the closet Jack can barely hear Snyder still yelling.

“I don’t want to listen to him right now. If he’s going to cry then take him into the other room,” Jack hears, and his hand curls up in a fist and he hits the floor in anger at the fact Snyder was talking about Elmer.

Jack’s eyes get settled in the darkness quickly as he sits there for the remainder of the night. He hears a doorbell ringing and Race answering it and then the sound of everyone at the table. Snyder must have ordered take out.

Eventually he hears Snyder in the room getting ready for bed. The light shines through underneath the closet door and Jack can see the shadow of Snyder walking back and forth it as he changes and goes to sleep. Jack switches from his sitting position to lie on his stomach. He curls up and rests his head on his arms as a pillow.

Jack has spent the night enough times in this situation to be able to fall asleep quite quickly. When the morning comes Jack sits up and takes his usual position as he sits against the wall with his knees up to his chest. He listens as he waits for Snyder to unlock the closet. When time has passed and Jack is still in the dark he starts to feel uneasy.

Snyder uses the closet as punishment daily but he only really uses it during the weekend. That way he can make sure none of the boys try and visit whoever is inside while he’s at work. It’s also because Elmer can’t be left alone if Jack is the one locked in it. There are day cares that Snyder can probably drop him off at but he wouldn’t want to risk anyone finding something to be concerned over Elmer about. The last time Snyder was upset enough to throw Jack in the closet on a weekday he let him out the next morning after using his belt.

When Jack continues to hear absolute silence he gets up and bangs on the closet door.

“Elmer?” He calls out. “Elmer! Crutch! Race!”

The lack of responses confirms that he is the only one left in the apartment.

Jack spends the day in worry and a few miles away so does Crutchie while at school. He’s always been a good student but the days when Snyder is more upset than usual are the days he loses focus. Jack cursing out Snyder with him right there is definitely a reason to worry about him, especially when he realized that Jack may be in the closet for longer than expected. Crutchie had taken Elmer to his and Races’ bedroom when it was time for him to go to sleep and the three of them had woken up to Snyder instead of Jack in the morning.

“I need you to get Elmer dressed,” Snyder had told Crutchie, “He’s going out today.” When it was time for the four of them to leave Snyder turned and crouched down so he was face to face with Elmer.

“I need you to be a good boy,” Snyder said sternly, “Mrs. Jacobs is going to be watching you today. If there are any problems then you’ll be joining your brother when you get back. Do you understand?”

Elmer nodded shyly.

“Good,” he said, taking Elmer’s hand and directing him towards the stairs. He looked at Crutchie and Race. “Well what are you waiting for? Don’t you have a bus to wait for?”

Crutchie and Race went outside and waited until they saw Snyder leaving the building. Shortly after Davey and Les exited as well. Les ran over to Race and Davey went over to Crutchie.

“Who is Darcy?” Davey asked.

Crutchie shrugged and Davey looked at him weirdly. “Your dad said Jack was gonna be with his friend Darcy today and that he helps him out at work occasionally?”

“Ooooh,” Crutchie said, faking a look of realization. “Yeah I’ve heard about him. I’ve never met him because he does work on the docks and obviously I wouldn't be too much help there,” he said joking.

Davey continued to look at him and Crutchie was afraid he could see through his act. “Why do you care, anyway?” He asked, hoping to turn the focus on Davey and not Jack.

This time it’s Davey who shrugged. “I was just wondering. Besides didn't you say that Jack hasn't been feeling well?”

Crutchie suddenly remembered that he used that excuse when Davey had asked why Jack hadn't come out to wait for the bus yesterday morning. Crutchie had gotten Davey to drop the subject by saying that Jack had woken up with a migraine and was still sleeping it off. When Jack didn't greet them in the afternoon either Crutchie had just told Davey that Jack's head was still hurting. With Davey still asking questions Crutchie had a feeling that it was going to be a hard day of thinking up excuses and spent the rest of the day on edge. Instead of eating lunch in the cafeteria like usual Crutchie went to the media center to play around on the computer and was happy to not have to think of answers up on the spot if Davey asked any. He was lucky to get through the day and even managed to avoid Davey on the bus home.

When the bus is finally outside their building Crutchie tries to go inside as fast as he can.

“Hey do you think I can come inside with you to see if Jack’s home yet?” Davey asks.

“No!” Crutchie yells.

Davey takes a step back in surprise and Les looks up at him. Race is behind him giving him a look that’s telling him he needs to calm down.

“I mean no he's not home yet. Last time he finished so close to dinner time that he picked up food for everyone on his way back.”

Crutchie turns to go up the stairs as fast as he can and turns towards their apartment door when Davey says something to him once again.

"Wait aren’t you going to get Elmer?”

Crutchie nods, “Yeah, Race will. Sorry Davey, I’ve had to use the bathroom since the bus left school. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Davey’s still standing once Crutchie is gone. He looks at Race who shrugs. “Guess he had lots of water today.” Race then follows Les up to the Jacob’s apartment.

“Hi Mrs. Jacobs, I’m here for Elmer,” Race says when she opens the door.

“Hi Anthony and hello boys,” she smiles to her sons. “Elmer’s at the kitchen table,” she informs Race. “He’s such a little darling,” Mrs. Jacobs exclaims as Race helps Elmer pick up his coloring book and crayons. “You tell your father that I am always happy to babysit.”

“Thank you Mrs. Jacobs,” Race says, “Well I gotta do my homework now. Have a good night.” Race rushes him and Elmer down the stairs, eager to see how Jack is doing. “Are you okay?” Race asks Elmer once they're in front of their door. Elmer nods and is just as concerned about his brother because he then whispers, “Jack?”

Race frowns. “I dunno, squirt. I hope he’s okay.”

Race opens the door and both he and Elmer are surprised to see Snyder home early once again.

“Boys,” Snyder greets, “Did we have a good day at school today?” He asks Race who nods in return. “And how was Mrs. Jacob’s?” Snyder asks Elmer.  
  
“I colored Batman,” Elmer tells him quietly as he holds up the coloring book.

“Very good,” Snyder says, making no effort to look at the page.

Race takes Elmer to his room where Crutchie is sitting at the desk and working on homework. Race closes the door and puts his backpack down.

“He was able to go home early _again_?” Race asks.

“He said he told his boss yesterday that he was leaving early because one of us was sick and he got approval to leave early today as well,” Crutchie replies, frowning.

Race sits on the bed with his head in his hands. “He really don't want us talking to Jack.”

“I know,” Crutchie sighs, “Which is why we’re gonna be on our best behavior. Even better behavior than when we usually say we’re gonna be on our best behavior. Jack's going to be a mess if Snyder leaves him there the whole weekend. Maybe if he's in a better mood Jack's punishment will be over before then." 

Race nods and starts his homework. When Snyder calls them out for dinner the three boys sit at the table and pretend to sound interested in Snyder’s conversation. Crutchie hopes it's not noticeable that he and Race look towards the closed bedroom door as they eat the frozen pizza Snyder had cooked. When Crutchie is in bed and getting ready to turn the lights off he hopes that he wakes up to Jack in the kitchen as normal, for both his and Jack's sake. For Jack because he must be starving from going without last night's dinner and any of today’s meal. For himself because he doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to avoid making Davey suspicious once again.

Crutchie closes his eyes and while he's warm under his covers Jack shivers in the coldness of the closet, also hoping that tomorrow is the day that he's let out.


	7. Chapter 7

The distant sounds in the apartment keep Jack alert but he still feels like time is nonexistent in the closet. He’s tired of the darkness and thinks that the next time Elmer and Race beg to spend the entire day at the park on a hot day he’s not going to complain. He’s going to welcome the stickiness of the heat that comes from the bright sun. The closet is an empty cell; cold and cramped. He can feel the goose bumps on his skin as he runs his hands over his arms to try and keep warm. Snyder’s room is always colder than the rest of the apartment. He thinks back to the hot summer days in the park and tries to imagine that he’s there except he can’t hear the familiar sounds.  There are no children laughing as they play or sounds of men yelling out to buy hot dogs and sodas. There’s just the constant rumbling of his stomach and his whines as his bladder becomes fuller. Oh how he has to pee. His constant shifting does nothing to ease the desire and as time passes on he starts to think his whines are his realization that whether he likes it or not he needs Snyder right now.

He hates the man with a burning passion. He would rather be anywhere than under his control. Even coming home to his mom strung out in her bed, her eyes glazed over and looking at him without any recognition of her own son are better than the glares that Snyder gives him. His mom stared at him with sorrow. Snyder stares at him with cruelty. Neither Jack nor Snyder knew what they were in for when Snyder took him in. Jack has been through enough disappointment to know that his heart can always be broken again but he hadn’t been prepared to worry about broken bones, too. And Snyder knows what type of boys he takes in; the ones that are too much work. They are the ones that need to be reminded of their place. But Jack’s not young enough like Elmer or Race, or at a disadvantage like Crutchie to let himself be broken. He makes sure Snyder knows that nothing he does will get to him and in return Snyder continues to try and prove him wrong. He fails, for the most part, but then there are times like now when Jack is stuck; a prisoner who can only be released by Snyder and Jack hates it.

He can hear Snyder waking up and walking past the closet to the bathroom. He listens for the flush of the toilet and the sound of the sink before kicking the closet door with his feet. He needs Snyder but there’s no way in hell he’s going to give him the satisfaction of hearing him beg.

Jack continues to kick the door until he hears the sound of it unlocking.

“Are you trying to destroy this entire place?” Snyder snarls looking at the other side of the door to make sure Jack hasn’t done any damage.

Jack doesn’t try and give a smart comment back to him. Instead he just stares past Snyder at the wall and it hurts him how dry his mouth his when he asks, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

Snyder stares at him for a moment before nodding. He watches as Jack puts his hand on the wall to help himself up. He sways slightly, dizzy from hunger. He slowly makes his way to the bathroom and his hand is shaking as he unzips his pants. He can feel Snyder’s glare on him the whole time and he ignores it as he releases his bladder and as he cups his hands under the water to drink from the sink. He walks back into the closet. Snyder doesn’t say a word to him as he slams the door shut and locks it once again.

Time continues to pass in solitude until Snyder visits him to throw some slices of break into the closet. Jack devours it far too quickly but doesn’t care. The next time Snyder comes back it is already night time and Jack gets another trip to the bathroom and once again drinks as much water from the sink that he can.

Sunday morning arrives and so does his release. Jack is asleep when Snyder opens the door and the man awakes him with a shove to his shoulder. He follows Snyder out of his bedroom and Snyder mumbles that he’s going out for the day, leaving Jack standing alone.

The boys must have been waiting for this moment because as soon as the front door is closed they come rushing out of their bedroom.

“Jack!” Race yells, running over to the older boy. “Jack are you okay?” he asks, his arms wrapping around him in a hug. The movement causes Jack to stumble back due to the weakness of his body.

“He needs to eat,” Crutchie says. “Jack do you think you can eat a sandwich? Snyder got deli meat yesterday. I can make you a ham and cheese.”

Jack can feel his mouth watering just hearing the words. He nods and Crutchie gets to work. Race guides Jack to the table and helps him sit down. Elmer walks over and stands next to Jack, leaning over a bit to rest his head against him.

Jack gives him a small smile. Crutchie finishes making the sandwich and Jack grabs it as soon as the plate is on the table, stuffing the food in his mouth.

“Take it slow, Jack,” Crutchie tells him. “If you eat too fast you’ll make yourself sick.”

Crutchie and Race sit down and there is silence as Jack eats. No one knows what to say. Race looks at Jack’s eye which had time to heal. There is still bruising but it’s more faded.

Jack catches him staring. “It don’t look as bad anymore,” Race informs him.

When his sandwich is finished Jack chugs the glass of water that Crutchie had given him. He looks down at the clothes he has worn for days. “Need a shower,” he says, and makes his way to his room to get clean clothes.

In the shower the warmth of the water feels like heaven to Jack’s body. He stands with his eyes closed letting the water soak him. Once he’s out and dressed in dry clothes he meets his brothers in the kitchen again.

“He’ll probably be gone all day,” Jack says about Snyder. He looks around at the apartment and even though there’s plenty of space he feels as suffocated as he did in the closet. “I need to get outta here,” he says.

“The comic book store is having a sale,” Crutchie says, and Elmer’s face lights up. Jack nods. “Sounds good.”

The boys go to their rooms to get ready. Once Jack has Elmer dressed he goes to his dresser and takes out his hidden tube of concealer that he had bought on a previous outing, telling the sales person a story about it was a gift for a girlfriend. When the bathroom is free Jack goes in to apply the makeup over the bruises that remain near his eye.

The comic book store is less than a block away from their apartment and Jack wishes that it took longer to get there as he takes in the fresh air. The boys spend a good two hours in the store and take turns reading to Elmer. It’s a successful trip and Jack is glad to have been able to take it until they reach their building and see Davey walking towards them from the opposite direction. Davey’s eye light up when he sees the four boys and his walk turns into a run in order to meet up with them.

“Hey guys!” He waves. He looks at Jack. “Feels like it has been forever since I last saw you,” he jokes. “Between getting sick and working you sure are a busy guy.”

Jack chuckles and looks down.

“Oh hey, guess what?” Davey asks, unaware at the fact Jack is uncomfortable. “My art teacher really liked my painting. She even said the same thing about the blending of the colors. Thanks again for taking a look at it.”

“No problem,” Jack says.

The door to their building suddenly opens and Les stands there. “Hey Race! I saw you from the window. Do you want to see the new Mario game my mom got me?”

Race looks at Jack who gives him a nod. “Go ahead,” Jack says. He then looks at Crutchie. “Elmer probably wants some juice.”

Crutchie takes Elmer and leaves Jack and Davey alone.

“So you are okay now, right?” Davey asks as he sits down on the steps to the building.

“Good as new,” Jack replies, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits down as well.

“Crutchie was acting really weird when you were sick,” Davey tells him. Jack shrugs. “He worries a lot. He knows what it’s like not to feel good with his leg and all.”

“So what type of work do you do on the docks?”

A fly lands on Jack’s face and he waves his hand around to get it away.

“Huh?” Jack asks, and then says, “Oh yeah. The docks. Sorry. Stupid fly was bothering me. I don’t do nothing special. They have tours and I just help out with all the dumb tourists and stuff.”

Jack has told lies like this before and it definitely comes out more naturally than when Crutchie lies, but he wonders if he messed up because Davey is looking at him. Jack starts to panic because he realizes not only is Davey looking at him but his stare is on his _eye._

“I’ve been told I’ve got nice eyes,” Jack jokes. Davey doesn’t laugh. Instead he extends his hands towards Jack’s face who has to keep himself from flinching. Davey’s finger touches Jack’s face near his eyes and then he pulls his hand back and looks at the finger.

“Did you put something on your face?” Davey asks, showing Jack his finger which has some of the concealer on it. Jack must have smudge it trying to get the fly away.

“Who don’t want clear skin?” Jack jokes again. “I got a blemish. Gotta hide it from the ladies,” he winks.

“Are you sure everything is okay, Jack?” Davey asks in a serious tone. Jack rolls his eyes. “I’m fine, ma,” he says with a smirk, “Don’t gotta worry about me.” He then gets up. “Tell Race not to stay over too long, okay?”

Davey nods and watches as Jack enters their building. The weird feeling that he’s had the past few days is getting worse. Something’s not right. He sighs and goes up to his own apartment hoping that he can figure out what’s going on with the boys in the apartment below.


	8. Chapter 8

Monday is the start of a new week and Jack welcomes the sound of his alarm early in the morning. He gets Snyder’s breakfast made and has Crutchie and Race out the door early enough to have time to review Races’ flashcards for his history test. Davey and Les make their way outside just ten minutes before the bus arrives. Davey stands near Jack to say his hellos and Jack pretends that he doesn’t notice Davey sneaking glances at Jack’s eye. The bus arrives and Jack gets Elmer back in the apartment. He completes his chores as normal and as if the past weekend hadn’t happened.

By the time the boys get home from school Jack is still happy and content with how his day has gone. It’s short lived, however, when Davey follows Crutchie and Race into the apartment. 

“Wrong floor,” Jack jokes, and Davey laughs.

“I realized when my mom didn’t run to me with kisses as if I was still Les’ age,” he laughs. His face then gets serious and he asks, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” Jack says.

“Are you good at drawing people? My next art assignment is portraits and I’m not even good at drawing faces and now I need to paint too.”

Jack shrugs. “I’m okay at it I guess. What day are you wanting me to help you?” he asks. Part of him is unsure if he wants to spend any time with Davey after how questioning he’s been but at the same time knows it’ll just get worse if he says no.

“Whatever day works for you,” Davey replies.

“Guess I can do tomorrow.”

Davey smiles again. “Tomorrow’s perfect. Thanks again, Jack!” 

Jack gives him a wave as he leaves the apartment. Once he’s gone Jack forces himself to get back to his previously happy mood. He gets dinner finished just as Snyder’s getting home from work and earns himself a seat at the table. He cleans up the kitchen quickly and gets everyone to bed on time to repeat it all the next day.

By the afternoon he just wants to get his time with Davey over with. He takes Elmer downstairs to wait for the bus and then lets him take Races’ hand so he can go back inside as Jack follows Davey and Les into their apartment. Mrs. Jacob’s gives her normal greet and the boys make their way into Davey’s bedroom with fruit for a snack.

“So let’s get the party started,” Jack says, shoving a strawberry into his mouth.

“If we have to,” Davey groans.

“You have any idea who you want to paint?”

Davey nods and goes to his desk, taking out a photograph and handing it to Jack. It’s a photo of a girl who looks the same age of them.

“Well ain’t she pretty,” Jack says, smiling. “And who is she?”

“Her name is Sarah,” Davey says, his eyes never leaving the photo. His voice is quiet and sad. Jack waits for Davey to tell him more and after a few moments of silence Davey does.

“You remember how I said that my dad can’t work full time anymore?” He asks. Jack nods. 

“Well it’s because he was in a car accident. It messed up his back pretty good. He wasn’t the only one in the car, though.”

Jack can tell Davey is trying not to get emotional but his eyes are beginning to water.

“Sarah was my sister. She was only a year younger than me.” 

Jack’s eyes widen at the implication of what happened to her, something he would have never expected. Davey’s always been so positive about the move and both he and Les are full of energetic smiles. Jack remembers what he was like after his mom had died. Angry at the world for letting it happen.

“I’m sorry, Davey. That must have been rough,” Jack eventually says, unsure of how to comfort his friend.

“It was,” Davey confirms. “It happened about seven months ago. We tried to get by after the funeral and we were. Slowly, but it was happening. Then everything just kept adding up with my dad still needing medical attention and all.”

Jack opens his mouth to say something but then closes it. Davey immediately had wanted to make sure everything was okay when he first sensed trouble. It hits Jack that it’s because he knows of troubles himself and he wonders if Davey had anyone to ask about him. Jack bites his lip and then opens his mouth to speak.

“My dad ain’t my real dad,” he confesses.

“Oh,” Davey says.

“My mom died when I was younger and my dad left long before that. Snyder took me in as a foster kid. We’re all foster kids.”

“That makes sense,” Davey tells him. “You really don’t look like Race or Crutchie. Even they don’t really look alike except for the hair.” 

“Elmer’s at least my half brother,” Jack says.

Davey nods, “I can see that.” He then walks over to where his art supplies are and gets two pieces of paper.

“How about we both practice portraits today? Do you want to get a picture of her from your room?"

Jack doesn’t answer. Instead he looks down at the floor and when Davey comes over to give him a gentle touch on the shoulder Jack flinches away so hard it makes Davey gasp.

“Sorry,” Jack says, “I gotta go.” 

“Wait!” Davey yells, grabbing Jack’s arm. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking that you might not have any.”

Jack gets more upset at that. Upset at the fact that Davey is thinking of him as the foster child cliche; a sad child carrying around nothing but garbage bags full of clothes.

Jack _does_ have pictures of his mother. He was able to get them before child services had taken Elmer and him from the apartment, along with a big duffel bag that belonged to Elmer's dad. They are the same photographs that she would show him when he was younger and Jack doesn’t want anyone else to see them. It’s the only part of the mother son connection he has with her. It’s his escape to Santa Fe and there’s only enough room for him. Davey wouldn’t understand what Santa Fe means to them.

“Nah,” Jack finally answers. "I have pictures. I just don’t like to show people,” he admits, and Davey’s sympathetic look makes him feel stupid. Davey’s only been grieving for seven months and he’s able to tell Sarah’s story and show her picture. But then again Sarah’s worthy of being remembered. She died in a tragic accident and was taken from her loving family. Even at Davey’s lowest point in his life he still had it better than Jack, as selfish as it may seem. No one wants to hear about how Rachel Kelly was found in the bathroom with dried vomit around her mouth, the belt still wrapped around her, and the needle on the floor.

“Hey,” Davey says, extending his hand to give Jack the gentle pat he had originally wanted to give and Jack lets him. “I understand. There are days when I feel like that. I’d love to hear about her if you’re willing to do just that. Maybe this portrait can be your own personal project. Maybe just sharing your memories of her will make you ready enough to draw her. You don’t have to say much. We could even do it on the weekends when your brothers are running around the park or comic book store.” Davey suggests.

Jack looks up at Davey and he doesn’t understand why he can’t think properly when he’s around him because Jack nods his head and _agrees._  

“I really gotta go this time, though,” Jack says and Davey walks him out of his room. He takes Jack into the Jacob's living room before he leaves and shows him all the family pictures that include Sarah. Once Jack is inside his own apartment he leans back against the door and closes his eyes, wondering what the hell he has gotten himself into.


	9. Chapter 9

The routine of hanging out with Davey isn’t actually that bad, Jack decides. They both end up getting so into their art that they work in mostly silence with a few random conversations here and there. Davey asks some questions and Jack does his best to answer. He explains about the accident that messed up Crutchie’s leg and why Race knows so much about gambling for a twelve year old.

“So how long have you been living with your foster dad?” Davey asks Jack. It’s a Saturday afternoon and they are outside on the fire escape.

Jack finishes shading in what he’s been drawing. “Two years,” he replies. “Crutchie’s been with him the longest.”

“That’s really great of him to foster,” Davey says. Jack doesn’t respond to the comment. He just keeps focusing on what he’s working on and Davey goes back to his own drawing.

Jack thought the same thing at first. He didn’t want to show it but he really was grateful that Snyder had taken Elmer and him in together. Then three days later Snyder had screamed at Elmer for leaving a toy on the ground causing Snyder to trip over it. He had thrown the toy against the wall causing Elmer to cry. Jack had defended his brother and reminded Snyder that Elmer was just a toddler and that sometimes toys got left on the floor when they lived with their mom.

“Well this isn’t her place,” Snyder had snarled, “It’s mine and you two are going to start respecting what’s mine.” Jack just glared back at Snyder which caused the man to get even angrier. He walked past Jack and gave him a rough shove. Jack picked up Elmer and walked them to the room that they shared. He put Elmer on the bed and pulled out his duffle bag out from under the bed.

“We don’t need him,” Jack said to Elmer, “Walking around here pushing and screaming. We could just find out where your dad is if we want to deal with that crap.” He shoved their clothes into a duffle bag and put it back under the bed. He looked at Elmer. “Tonight we’re gone,” he whispered to Elmer who leaned closer to Jack and squealed, patting his brother’s cheeks.

Jack waited until the middle of the night. He took out the duffle bag and hid his groan when he realized that Elmer had somehow woken up. “Shh,” he said, his fingers on his lips, “Gotta be quiet.” He picked Elmer up and placed him on his hip and slowly opened the door to their bedroom. The apartment was dark. Jack looked at the door to the bedroom next to theirs. The two other boys who lived there weren’t too bad but he wasn’t going to miss them.

Continuing slowly, Jack walked down the hallway and to the front door. He unlocked the door and opened it, thankful that it didn’t make a noise. He stepped out into the hallway and closed the door to the apartment. It wasn’t until he was outside did he start walking fast. This was a stupid idea and he knew it but he could already tell that staying with Snyder would be even stupider. He walked until he came across a park and then found the park’s bathroom. He sat down on the dirty floor with Elmer on his lap, staring at him.

“I know it ain’t nice but this is the safest place right now,” he told Elmer. “Close your eyes, kiddo.” He hugged Elmer towards his chest and started patting the boys back. Elmer’s eyes eventually started closing and soon he was asleep again.

Jack didn’t sleep. He waited until he knew Elmer was for sure out and wasn’t going to be waking up and then stood up and got their duffle bag. He had to find a place to put it. A teenage boy walking around with a toddler and a bag full of clothes would certainly draw suspicion.

He found an alleyway and hid the bag. He sat down again, leaning his back and head against the building. He watched as the sun started to rise and listened as the sounds of the city became louder. Snyder would probably be up by now and would notice them gone. It was at that moment that Elmer had decided to awaken. Jack could feel him fidgeting as he woke and then he rubbed his eyes. He sat for a few moments before beginning to whine. Jack knew he had to get him something to eat but between the fact that he had no money and didn’t even know his way around the neighborhood caused him to stay still.

“Just wait a little longer, Please?” Jack begged. “You’ll get something in your belly, I promise.”

By the time Jack had the courage to leave their spot Elmer was cranky as can be. The whines had turned into cries and his face was red with streaks of tears. Jack stood up and tried to soothe the toddler.

“Ok kiddo, we’re gonna eat now,” Jack assured him. “Gotta stop crying, Elmer.” He wiped the tears away with his finger and gave Elmer a kiss on his hair.

“Now the question is _how_ do we eat?” he asked himself. He walked out of the alleyway and down the street. The building they were behind had a Chinese restaurant in it and apartments above it. 33rd street, Jack noticed. About a block later he saw a food truck stopped and a line of people waiting to order. Jack walked past the line and stopped near where the worker put out the food. A lady was waiting to get her meal and Jack pretended to look around when the lady in line noticed Elmer.

“Oh what an adorable little boy,” she said, giving Elmer a smile.

“He sure is,” Jack replied.

“How old is he?”

“Just turned two,” Jack said, noticing that the worker had set the lady’s food on the counter. He continued talking, “He started daycare this year and he loves it. I helped my mom out and bring him every morning,” he told her as he extended his hand out towards the food while the lady at her eyes on Elmer. He quickly grabbed it and held it behind his back.

“Well we gotta get going. Have a nice day,” he said, walking away with the breakfast sandwich the lady had ordered.

He heard the shouts of anger from both the worker and the lady but he picked up a faster pace and turned a corner onto a new street. After finding the next ally he hid and sat down on the ground. Elmer had been trying to grab the sandwich the whole time and hadn’t given up.

“Alright, alright. Hold on for a sec and you’ll get some,” Jack insisted.

He gave Elmer a small piece of the egg, bacon, and cheese sandwich. Elmer happily swallowed as Jack took a bite of his own. It tasted delicious.

The sandwich was gone in seconds. Jack waited a few minutes before lifting Elmer up and heading out towards the street. They passed a few buildings when a police officer standing on the sidewalk walked up to them. Jack noticed his car parked there as well. He looked at the street sign and turned around to walk back in the direction they came from.

“Wrong street, Elmer. Why didn’t you say anything, kiddo?” he laughed, hoping that the officer would continue on with his day. No such luck. Another officer stepped out in front of them.

“Excuse me,” he said to Jack who pretended he didn’t hear him. He continued to walk and the officer caught Jack’s arm.

“I need you to come with me,” he told Jack.

“I didn’t do nothing,” Jack said. “I gotta get my brother to school.” He tried to walk past him but the officer tighten the grip on his arm.

“You need to come with me,” the officer demanded again, guiding Jack into the police car. Jack knew he was caught and he looked at Elmer. Putting up a fight might result in them being separated and he knew it. He sighed and let the officers drive them to the station.

In the station one of the officers directed them towards his desk and sat with them until the other office came back. Following him was Snyder and Jack’s social worker.

“Is this them?” The officer asked and both men nodded.

“Thank you for finding them Officer Warren,” the social worker said. “This is Mr. Snyder who is fostering these young boys. He was worried sick when he noticed they were gone this morning.”

“I’m glad you boys are safe,” Snyder said with a fake smile. “Let’s get you back to the apartment.”

“I got a duffel bag in an alley on 33rd street,” Jack informed them.

“I’ll get it,” the social worker volunteered, looking at Snyder. “We have to have a meeting, anyway. I’ll meet you at your apartment.” Snyder nodded and looked at Jack, “Come on, it’s time to go.”

Jack reluctantly stood and followed his social worker and Snyder to the car, wondering how they had been found so quickly. Snyder opened the door for Jack and Elmer to slide in the backseat and then shook the social worker’s hand. They drove back to the apartment in silence.

Once inside Snyder pulled Jack towards his bedroom. Jack tried to get out of Snyder’s grip. “Why are we going in here?” he asked. When Snyder didn’t respond Jack tried to struggle as much as he could while still holding Elmer.

They got to what Jack realized was a closet. Snyder opened it and tried to push Jack and Elmer inside.

“We ain’t going in there,” Jack yelled, but Snyder ignored him. With a rough shove Jack stumbled into the closet, almost tripping with Elmer still in his arms. Suddenly the door was slammed shut and the boys were left in darkness. Jack held his hand out to grab the door knob but he heard the click of a lock before he had a chance. He tugged on the door knob and sure enough it wouldn’t open. Snyder had locked them inside.

Elmer started to cry.

“Hey hey,” Jack whispered, feeling around for a wall and then sitting down against it. “You can’t see me but I’m here Elmer,” he told his brother, hugging him tightly. “Jack is here.”

“Ack,” Elmer cried, repeating his brother’s name, and Jack continued to try and calm him down. That was the first time either of them had been brought to the closet.

Davey asks another question, bringing Jack out of his memories. Jack looks up at him. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I had asked if you used to live on a farm,” Davey wondered, pointing to the picture that Jack had drawn. Jack looks at the horse as well.

“Nah. I’ve always wanted to though. Imagine how much quieter a farm is than the city,” he muses.

“I don’t know anyone who lives on a farm,” Davey says. Jack shrugs. “I knew someone,” he whispers. Davey looks at him but doesn’t ask him to elaborate. “Maybe next time you can tell me about the farm,” Davey suggests, packing up his art supplies. “I have to go clean up. My mom should be started supper soon.”

“I’mma stay up here a little longer. See you Monday morning.” Davey waves goodbye and leaves Jack staring up at the sky.


	10. Chapter 10

A few weeks go by and Jack spends another Saturday afternoon on the fire escape with Davey. As they get friendlier they end up spending the afternoons talking more than drawing. Davey tells him how school is going and Jack tells stories about funny moments with his brothers. They talk about movies, music, and just about anything that’s on their mind that day.

Jack eventually lets small details of his past slip out. He tells Davey that he used to live in Queens and about his dad leaving and his mom meeting Elmer’s dad. Davey listens and let’s Jack take his time. He doesn’t bring up the fact that Jack can’t look at him while he’s talking about his past or how he tends to shake a little.

“That was really brave,” Davey tells him as he’s gathering his drawing supplies and getting ready to leave. “I know it was hard for you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Jack says, rolling his eyes and putting on his tough guy mask. “Don’t you gotta get outta here? I think I hear your mom calling.”

Davey laughs. “I don’t have any plans for tomorrow so if you’re free you know where to find me.”

Jack nods and waves goodbye but stays up on the fire escape. He lies on his back with his eyes closed until Race comes to get him.

“Snyder left money for pizza,” he says, “Pepperoni and sausage sound good?”

“Sounds delicious,” Jack replies, getting up from the ground with a groan. “Got enough money for garlic bread?”

Race nods with a smile, “Already got it selected.”

Jack pats Races’ back and they head down to the apartment. Inside Elmer is watching a Spiderman cartoon and Crutchie’s at the table ordering the pizza on his laptop. Jack sits down at the table next to him.

“So how was your afternoon with Davey?” Crutchie asks once the pizza order has been submitted.

 “Same as always,” Jack says with a shrug. “We drew pictures and stuff.”

“This is like the 6th time you hung out alone. How romantic,” Crutchie gushes jokingly as he raises his eyebrows up and down.

Jack throws a napkin that was on the table at him. “Shut up,” he says.

“Seriously though,” Cutchie continues, “It’s nice to see you hanging out with him.”

“Yeah,” Jack agrees. He knows the hidden meaning behind that sentence. _It’s nice to see you hanging out with **anyone**. It’s nice to see you not locked up in the apartment. It’s nice to see you acting like the seventeen year old kid that you are, _ Crutchie means.

As the boys wait for the pizza they sit on the couch and fight over what movie to watch on Netflix. Race tries to get them to watch a scary movie but Jack shakes his head. “We got a delicate kiddo with us. Unless you want him to sleep in your bed and pee on your sheets in the middle of the night we ain’t watching it.”

Race groans and hands the remote over to Crutchie and then sits back with his arms crossed and a look of annoyance on his face.

Crutchie end up choosing some movie about two siblings and a bunch of dogs. The food comes and they stuff their mouths with pizza and garlic bread. Race actually ends up enjoying the movie, too.

When the movie is over Elmer is lying against Jack’s body, his eyes drooping.

“Gonna get him to bed,” Jack tells the boys. He picks Elmer up and carries him over to their bedroom, setting him down in bed and pulling the covers up.

Elmer curls up under the covers right away. Jack leans down and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Night Elmer.”

“Night Jack,” Elmer responds sleepily. Jack turns off the lights and closes the door. By the time Jack sits back on the couch Race has stolen the remote and put on the scary movie he had originally wanted to watch.

“If you end up peeing your own bed I’m gonna laugh,” Jack says.

Race gives him another annoyed look. “Shut up, Jack.” He ends up being scared for a few of the scenes but tries not to show it. By the time the movie is over its late at night. Race is yawning and decides to call it a night.

“Goodnight,” Crutchie calls out to him as he walks to their room, “Be sure to check your closet to make sure no crazy killers are hiding in there. If they are then remind them which bed you’re sleeping in so they don’t get me instead.”

Jack laughs hysterically and Race rolls his eyes. “Ha. Ha. I ain’t scared of anything,” he yells.”

Jack and Crutchie stay up a little longer watching whatever shows on cable catches their interest first.

“So when are you and Davey going to hang out again?” Crutchie asks.

“I dunno,” Jack mumbles, picking up the last piece of garlic bread. “Maybe tomorrow?”

“He’s a nice guy,” Crutchie says,

“Yeah,” Jack agree, “He is.”

“Well I’m tired. I’ll see you in the morning,” Crutchie yawns as he and Jack say their goodnights.

Jack goes to his own room after cleaning up the food. As he lies there waiting to fall asleep he hopes he does get to see Davey tomorrow.

His plans end up being ruined by Snyder who stumbles home drunk around two in the morning and spends the day hung over. Jack tries to get Crutchie to take Race and Elmer out for the day.

“Race is old enough to take Elmer out on his own,” Crutchie argues. “You’re gonna need all the help you can get today.”

“I got it,” Jack assures him, but Crutchie gives him a stern look and walks back to his room. “Hey Race,” Jack can hear him saying, “Why don’t you take Elmer to the park today. I got some money for hotdogs, too.”

Race and Elmer leave ten minutes later and Crutchie gives Jack a proud smile since he’s won the battle.

“You don’t have to do everything around here. I’m just as capable to help out. I lived with him on my own at one point,” he reminds him.

Jack sighs. “I know. I’m sorry. C’mon. He’s gonna need dry toast for his stomach.”

Jack and Crutchie keep Snyder well for the whole day and for the most part it goes well. It’s not until Crutchie accidently drops a cup of water does Snyder get angry.

“You’re useless,” Snyder snarls, “Can’t even handle cup of water.”

“I’m sorry,” Crutchie apologizes, picking up the cup. “I’ll clean it up.”

“You damn right you will,” Snyder says, “Show me you’re worth something around here. I don’t know why I keep you around.”

Jack hears everything as he walks in to give Snyder more toast.

“It’s just water,” he mumbles on his way out.

“Do you have something you’d like to say?” Snyder asks, his voice rising with anger.

Jack bites his lip and turns around. Crutchie goes to tell him it’s not worth it but Jack holds is hand out to silence him.

“I said it was just water. And Charlie’s always been helpful. He helps his brothers every day while some people just let everyone do the work for them,” he hisses.

“Why you little -” Snyder growls getting out of bed. His face pales and Jack can tell moving around his worsening his hangover but Snyder comes forward with his palm extended, ready to hit.

Jack stands defiantly and is ready to take it but Crutchie moves in front of him, grabbing Jack’s shoulders for support and holding out his crutch as a threat.

“Leave him alone,” Crutchie yells out.

“Get out of the way, Charlie,” Snyder orders but Crutchie shakes his head.

“I dropped the water! Not Jack!”

“I don’t care about the damn water,” Snyder says. “Nothing seems to teach you any damn respect and I won’t stop until you learn it,” he yells at Jack. The yelling causes him pain and Snyder winces and touches his forehead.

“Let us get you more Advil,” Crutchie says, trying to avoid Snyder getting anymore angry. “Seriously dad, you need to lie down,” he begs.

Snyder stands before them still angry but he nods and turns around to get back into bed. He groans in relief as he’s back in the comfort of his bed. Crutchie leaves to get the medicine and Jack follows.

“I’m not done with you, boy. You’ll get what’s coming for you,” he can hear Snyder whisper. He ignores it and follows Crutchie to their bathroom.

 “What was that?” he hisses.

“It was just water,” Crutchie says, “both of you were overreacting. You made it even worse, Jack. You have to stop playing hero. I can take care of myself.”

“No _you_ made it worse,” Jack yells. “At least once he hits me it’s over with. Now I gotta wait for the punishment and he’ll have more time to be angry and it’ll be more than just a hit and -”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Crutchie cuts in. “Just a hit? You shouldn’t even be getting hit in the first place, Jack.”

“Neither should you or Race and Elmer! It’s better me than you.” Jack says, causing Crutchie to give him a look of pity.

“You were unbreakable when you got here,” Crutchie whispers. “All the times you tried to run away with Elmer and then with Race and me. You wouldn’t let him get to you. But he did. You think he hasn’t but he’s got you, Jack.”

Crutchie stares at him for a moment before getting Advil out of the medicine cabinet and walking away to give it to Snyder. Jack’s still standing next to the bathroom when Crutchie passes it to go his room and Jack follows. Crutchie lies down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and Jack sits on Races’ bed.

It’s silent for a moment and then Crutchie says, “Do you remember when we ran away to Coney Island?”

“Race rode the Cyclone so many times he threw up in a garbage can,” Jack laughs.

Crutchie laughs too but then his face gets serious. “I think you and Elmer had been with us for only a month or two. We left after Snyder used his belt on Race. You were so furious. You kept telling him that Snyder wasn’t going to use it on any of us ever again. Even when that social worker, Joe, found us and brought us back you wouldn’t let it happen. You told Snyder that CPS was going to be looking into why you keep trying to get away. It got him to calm down for a little bit.”

Crutchie looks at Jack whose staring at the rug on the floor. “I’m glad you’re friends with Davey,” he continues, “Maybe hanging out with him will make you realize you deserve a normal life. The Jack from two years ago wouldn’t accept this life. Maybe Davey will bring that Jack back.”

Crutchie rolls over in his bed. The two lay in silence, only getting up for when Snyder calls. Eventually Race and Elmer get back and the day turns into night. Jack lies awake in his own bed thinking of what Crutchie said.

When the morning comes and Jack is making breakfast, Snyder comes out of his room. He’s in his pajamas instead of his work clothes and must sense Jack’s confusion. “I called out,” he informs Jack. “I’m still not feeling well,” he says, despite the grin that’s on his face and the fact that he eats his breakfast without any problems.

Jack gets Crutchie and Race up and doesn’t tell them that Snyder’s going to be home for the day. Crutchie’s words had been floating around in Jack’s head all night. He’s got a backpack ready and he’ll get one ready for Race and Crutch. He’s not going to let Snyder win today but it’s easier said than done, especially if he’s focused on what will happen to his brothers. Crutchie and Race get on the bus and when he walks back into the apartment he goes into their room to get their backpack full with as many clothes as he can fit inside. It’s not as ideal as a duffel bag but that’s slowed them down in the past. He brings the backpack into his room and shoves it into the closet with the one for him and Elmer. If things go south today at least he's prepared.

When Snyder finally calls out to Jack he’s ready.

“Go in our room and get under the bed,” he tells Elmer. “If you hear any noises just cover your ears, okay? I'll be okay. I promise.” Elmer nods and runs off and Jack shuts the bedroom door.

Jack goes over to Snyder’s room. He stops, breathes in deeply, and walks in.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack can only make it past the doorway before Snyder comes racing towards him with a glare on his face.

“What took you so long?” He asks and Jack shrugs, staring at the floor.

Snyder looks at Jack for a few seconds before asking, “Where is your brother?”

Jack’s eyes shoot up towards Snyder. “What does he have to do with anything?”

“Discipline never seems to work for you,” Snyder snarls, “you think you’re so tough. So maybe I should start focusing on someone who isn’t.” Snyder pushes past Jack and walks out of the bedroom. Jack follows behind and tries to grab Snyder’s arm to stop him but the man just shoves him away and marches into Jack and Elmer’s bedroom. Snyder takes one look at the seemingly empty bedroom and laughs.

“Still hiding from everything, is he?” Snyder grins. “Well let’s see how long he can stay hidden.”

Snyder looks around to decide where to start before going towards the closet. Jack’s eyes widen and he yells out, “No!” but Snyder is already opening the closet door which reveals the two backpacks.

“What’s this?” Snyder questions as he picks one of the backpacks.

“It’s just a school bag,” Jack tells him, “for when Elmer goes to kindergarten.”

Snyder lifts his arm up and down. “Feels a bit heavy,” he observes. He puts the backpack on the bed and unzips it. Jack can feel his body freeze and he looks towards Elmer’s hiding spot under the bed, praying that the younger boy continues to stay silent.

Snyder opens the backpack and pulls out an article of clothing that was inside. He holds in his hand as he turns towards Jack again. The glare on his face has gotten more intense.

“Thinking of running away again?” he growls, stepping towards Jack.

Jack shakes his head. “No sir, I wasn’t. I swear.”

“Then what is all this?” Snyder roars, shoving the clothing towards Jack. “You think you’re so smart, so clever. You think that you can just get away? Well you’re wrong, Jack Kelly.” Snyder drops the clothes on the ground and lunges towards Jack, getting a tight grip on the boy’s arms. His hand squeezes tightly and Jack tries to hide the whimper that escapes. He can’t react too badly, can’t let Elmer get scared. As long as Snyder’s focus is on Jack then Elmer will be forgotten about. Jack allows himself to be dragged out of the bedroom. He expects to be taken to the closet but to his confusion Snyder drags him out of the apartment.

“Don’t you dare make a sound,” he hisses as he closes the door. He pulls Jack’s arm behind him at a painful angle and grips the boy’s neck, guiding him down the stairs. They walk down the hallway and Snyder opens a side door that Jack knows goes down to the building’s basement. Jack’s been down a few times as Snyder uses the basement for extra storage.

Snyder forces Jack through the basement and stops when he reaches another door. Opening it, Snyder gives Jack a harsh shove and the boy stumbles forward. Jack turns around and is met with a backhand to the face and crashes to the floor.

“You’re not getting away from me, boy,” Snyder warns, slamming the door shut and leaving Jack in yet another dark and locked closet. Jack groans and pushes himself off the cold floor of the closet. He extends his arms and slowly moves forward to find a wall. When he does he rests his forehead against it, biting his lip, and squeezing his eyes shut to avoid crying. _You can’t cry right_ now, Jack tells himself. _You need to be strong. Elmer’s up there all alone in the apartment with Snyder. Deep breaths. Be strong._ Except that he can’t be strong right now. Not while locked up in a closet in a basement. Crutchie was right; the spider has got him in his web and Jack’s been stuck for a long time, longer than he’d care to admit. Once one tear escapes Jack’s eye he can’t control the rest of them. He cries so hard that it hurts and he has to gasp for breath. He cries for so long that he thinks he won’t be able to produce any more tears once the last one has slid down his cheek. He exhausts himself and once he calms down and closes his eyes he prays that Elmer is okay and that Crutchie will figure out what’s happened.

Once he’s home from school Crutchie does realize something is wrong. The first sign is the fact that Snyder’s home, sitting on the couch in casual clothes. His feet are rested on the coffee table and he’s got a drink in his hand. The second sign that something is wrong is the fact that Elmer is sitting next to him. He’s curled up on the edge of the couch, hugging a pillow.

“Dad?” Race asks from behind Crutchie, “I didn’t know you’d be home early again.”

“I wasn’t expecting to be home,” Snyder lies, “but then I got the most awful phone call from Mrs. Jacobs. She said she has been hearing crying all morning but when she knocked on the door no one answered. I rushed over here as quickly as possible,” Snyder explains with fake concern. “Elmer was on the floor in tears. Jack was nowhere to be found.”

Crutchie and Race look at each other in shock and confusion and then Race runs over to Elmer, kneeling down in front of him. “What happened to Jack?” he asks.

“I asked that myself.” Snyder cuts in. “So I went looking around and saw that all his clothes were gone. He’s done it again,” he says with a sigh. “He ran away.”

Crutchie walks over shaking his head. “No,” he says, “Jack wouldn’t leave us.”

“He’s done it before,” Snyder exclaims. “I put a call out to his social worker to look for him but I haven’t heard anything yet.”

“It ain't true!” Race yells, his lip trembling.

“Look for yourself,” Snyder snarls, and Race jumps up and runs to Jack and Elmer’s room. Crutchie follows and finds his brother standing in front of the closet.

“They’re gone,” Race whispers, his eyes glued to the half empty closet. Crutchie shakes his head again, refusing to believe the situation.

“He’s done something,” he says in a low voice. “Snyder did something to Jack. That has to be what happened.” Race walks over to the drawers on the other side of the bed and lets out a sob when he sees them half empty as well.

“Listen to me,” Crutchie pleads, “Jack wouldn’t leave us, okay? You know he wouldn’t leave us.” Race looks at him with a heartbreaking frown and Crutchie doesn’t know if he’s trying to convince Race or himself. He tries to block out the conversation from yesterday where he basically told Jack he was weak and broken. Jack’s not gone. He can’t be.

He repeats it to himself even when another hour goes by and Jack is still not there. Even when he looks in Snyder’s room and finds both closets open with no Jack. Even when night falls and the four of them are eating dinner and Jack is still missing. Jack’s not gone. He can’t be. He goes to sleep with the words repeated in his head and he wakes up with them, even when he enters the kitchen and Jack isn’t there to help with his breakfast. Snyder’s already gone with a note that says he’s gone with Elmer to enroll in daycare. Crutchie feels even worse after reading the note. Snyder's avoided daycare all this time and if he's finally resorting to it then things can't be good.

“Maybe we should skip school,” Race asks, and Crutchie looks up from the note. “We can look for Jack. He couldn’t have gone far.”

“Davey and Les are already outside,” Crutchie frowns. “I don’t know how we’ll be able to explain Jack not being outside with us _and_ the fact we won’t be going to school.”

Race frowns too and sighs.

“I hate this!” he yells. “I want Jack!”

Crutchie walks over and hugs his brother. “Me too,” he says.

At school Crutchie tries to focus but he can’t. When his teachers talk he doesn’t hear them. He only focuses on the words he’s still repeating. Jack’s not gone. Jack’s not gone. **Jack’s not gone.**

Davey finds him at lunch and can tell something is wrong.

“You don’t look so good,” he notices, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Crutchie mumbles.

“Is everything okay with Jack?”

Crutchie’s eyes widen. “Why would something be wrong with Jack?” he questions.

Davey shrugs. “He wasn’t outside this morning.”

“So? Jack has his own life. He doesn’t always have to be looking out for Race and me,” Crutchie says defensively.

“Okay okay,” Davey says, “I’m sorry I said that. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Jack told me about your situation with Mr. Snyder,” Davey explains, “that he’s your foster father. He doesn’t seem to like talking about him.”

“Jack told you?” Crutchie asks, surprised.

“He didn’t go into too much detail but yeah. I know you’re all foster children and that Elmer is his half brother.”

Crutchie nods and looks down.

“Hey,” Davey says, putting his hand on Crutchie’s shoulder. “I’ll tell you what I told Jack. You can talk to me.  I’m here for you.”

Crutchie’s lip trembles and he can’t keep in anymore. “Jack’s gone,” he cries, and he can hear his brain yelling at him. _He’s not gone! He’s not gone!_

“What do you mean he’s gone?” Davey asks in a firm voice.

“My foster dad said he found Elmer crying alone in the apartment and that Jack’s clothes were all gone. And they were! They aren’t in the closet or the drawers anymore. He hasn’t been in the apartment since yesterday morning. I don’t know where he is!”

“Has he run away before?” Davey wonders.

Crutchie laughs. “Plenty of times,” he says, “but not alone. At first it was only with Elmer but then once he was there longer and got to know Race and me he’d get all of us out of there.”

“What would happen once you left?"

Crutchie sighs. “Our social worker would be called and we’d always be found. Jack was always so mad. He didn’t understand how we’d get caught so quickly.”

“We need to go visit your social worker. We can go today after school,” Davey suggests.

“What about Race and Les?”

“They can come with us,” Davey says. “The more the better. We’ll find him, Crutchie. We’ll find Jack.”

The wait for school to be over drags on but once the bell rings Crutchie and Davey rush to get their brothers. Once all four boys are together they head over to ride the subway and meet with their social worker. Crutchie walks up the the front desk and the receptionist smiles.

“Hello there, what can I do for you?”

“I’d like to see Mr. Joseph Pulitzer please. My name is Charlie Morris.”

“Hold on one moment please,” the lady says, picking up the phone and letting Joe know that he’s there. When she hangs up she gives him another smile. “He’ll be here in a few minutes. Why don’t you boys have a seat over there,” she tells them, pointing to seats near the window.

“Charlie,” a voice says a few moments later and Crutchie looks up to see Mr. Pulitzer standing before them. He looks around and sees Race. “Anthony! I’m glad to see you boys. I don’t recognize you two, however,” he says to Davey and Les.

“I’m Davey,” he introduces, extending his hand for Joe to shake. “This is my brother, Les. We’re their upstairs neighbor.”

“You’re their neighbor?” Joe repeats. “How wonderful,” he smiles, but Davey feels like something is off. “Why don’t you boys follow me?”

They follow Joe to his office and he points to chairs to sit down in. Crutchie and Davey sit down while Race and Les stand behind them.

“So what do I owe this pleasure of seeing Mr. Snyder’s boys?” Joe asks.

Crutchie gives him a confused look. “We’re here about Jack, Mr. Pulitzer.”

Joe’s smile fades at hearing Jack’s name. “And what has Mr. Kelly gotten himself into this time?” he asks, causing Crutchie to become even more confused.

“Mr. Snyder said he called you. Jack’s been missing since yesterday! We’ve been waiting for your call all day.”

Joe blinks and then clears his throat. “Ah yes, Jack’s disappearance. I have many case loads besides you boys so you must forgive me. It’s been a long day.”

Davey raises his eyebrows. “You don't seem too concerned. Do all the kids on your caseload want to get away from their placements?” he asks.

Joe glares at Davey. "Mr. Kelly certainly isn't the first child to run away." He then focuses on Crutchie again. “I’ve been looking into it, Charlie. Don’t you worry, we will get Jack back to you in no time,” he assures.

“Thank you, Mr. Pulitzer,” Crutchie says, not believing a word that’s coming out of the man’s mouth. “I guess we better get going. We don’t want Mr. Snyder to worry about us as well.”

Joe smiles and gets out of his seat, walking to the door and opening it. “I’ll be in touch very soon,” he says, waving goodbye.

Once outside Race turns to Crutchie.

“What was that all about?” He asks angrily.

“He was lying,” Davey responds for Crutchie. Finding out that Jack has tried to run away multiple times before and seeing how he's acted in the past after getting injuries gives Davey a very bad feeling. He looks at his watch and then says, “We better get back. We don’t want something to happen to you two as well.”

They make their way home and time feels like it's slowing down. People are starting to leave work and it takes longer to get back. Over an hour later they are standing in front of their building and no one wants to go up to their apartments. 

"Can we look one more time? Please?" Race begs and Les nods in agreement.

"Where else can we look?" Davey asks.

Crutchie shrugs, staring into the hallway. Suddenly he gasps. "The basement!" he exclaims, taking his crutch and walking towards it. The boys follow and their enter the dark basement. 

"There ain't anything in here," Race cries out. "Just old furniture and boxes."

Crutchie feels his heart break. Race is right. Davey finds another door and opens it but it turns out just to be an empty closet.

"We should go," Davey whispers to Crutchie. They leave the basement and walk back down the hallways towards the stairs. Crutchie feels sick once he’s standing before the staircase. He’s suddenly scared to go up. The words are back in his head repeating over and over again ten times louder than before. _Jack’s not gone. Jack’s not gone. Jack’s not gone._

“Crutchie?” Davey asks, and he looks up. Davey, Race, and Les are looking at him with concern.

 _Jack’s not gone. Jack’s not gone. Jack’s not gone_ , his voice says in his head.

Crutchie closes his eyes. “Jack’s gone,” his voice says out loud, “And Snyder knows where he is."


	12. Chapter 12

Crutchie walks up to the door with a sense of dread. He knows Snyder is on the other side and he knows Jack won’t be. Race opens the door and Crutchie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Snyder is at the kitchen table working on papers for his job. He looks up as the boys enter.

"How was your day?” He asks and the boys shrug.

“It was fine,” Race mumbles and he looks at Crutchie, begging him to ask the question he is too scared to ask.

“Have you heard anything from Mr. Pulitzer?” Crutchie asks quietly. Snyder sighs and shakes his head.

“I spoke to him again while you were at school. He said he’s informed the local police station and they have his picture in case they stumble upon him.” The lie is so natural that if Crutchie hadn’t known better he would have believed him. But Crutchie knows Snyder, knows all the lies he’s told in the past. How the bruises Crutchie had gotten were because sometimes his leg gives out and he falls. How Race is just like any typical child and tends to roughhouse when he plays. The lies roll of Snyder’s tongue with ease and Crutchie wonders if Snyder remembers what the word ‘truth’ even means.

Crutchie puts on his own act and nods sadly. “Thanks, dad,” he says, “I hope we find him soon.” Snyder tries to hide the snicker that escapes him but Crutchie and Race hear it and ignore it. They are walking to their room when Race stops and looks into the one shared by Jack and Elmer.

Elmer is on the bed coloring. “Hey squirt,” Race says, and Elmer looks up and gives a wide smile. He jumps off the bed and runs to Race to give him a hug. His squeeze is tight and Race pats the younger boy’s back. Race kneels down so he is at Elmer’s level. “Did you see anything the other day?” he whispers, and Elmer’s smile slowly fades. He nods. Race looks up at Crutchie who enters the room. He sits on the bed and motions for Elmer to go over. Race shuts the door and follows.

“What did you see?” Crutchie asks.

“I was under the bed,” Elmer whispers, frowning. “Jack said to go there and not come out until he came in. But Mr. Snyder was with him when he did so I stayed where I was.”

“Why was he in here?” Race wonders to Crutchie and then looks at Elmer again. “What did he do in here?”

“He went to the closet. He found the backpacks.”

“What backpacks?” Crutchie asks confused.

“Jack said we were going to leave. He had all of our clothes and put them in the backpacks and hid them in the closet. Then Mr. Snyder found them!”

“And then what happened?”

Elmer’s lip starts to tremble. “He was angry and loud. Then he took Jack and I heard the front door open and close.”

“He took Jack out of the apartment?” Race asks and Elmer nods as his eyes start to water. “I want Jack,” he cries, and Crutchie pulls him into a hug.

“We’ll get him,” Crutchie assures Elmer and hopes his little brother can’t pick up on lies yet. Race can feel Crutchie’s uncertainty and joins in the hug, which is soon interrupted by the door opening.

“Why is the door closed?” Snyder’s voice demands, causing the boys to jump and break apart.

“Sorry,” Race says, “didn’t mean to do that, dad.”

Snyder stares at the boys for a moment blankly. Then says, “I’m ordering Chinese food tonight. Come in the kitchen and pick out your orders.” The three boys follow him into the kitchen and when the food come Crutchie’s meal tastes bland. He can’t get Jack out of his mind and spends the rest of the night wondering what horrors he might be experiencing.

Five blocks away Jack lies on a dirty mattress wondering the same thing. He hopes Elmer was alright once Snyder returned home and he hopes that Crutchie and Race had figured out that something was very wrong.

Jack was prepared to put up a fight when Snyder opened the basement closet once again. He had struggled in Snyder’s grip when the harsh hands squeeze his arm to drag him out with a strong force but the confusion when Snyder yelled out “A little help here?” to an unknown person had given him a moment of weakness, especially when the person stepped into view and Jack had realized it was Mr. Wiesel.

Mr. Wiesel was one of Snyder’s friends. He ran a newspaper and magazine stand in the Financial District and was a frequent visitor of the apartment when it was Snyder’s turn to host poker night. He stepped closer and that was when Jack noticed the rag he was holding and he struggled even more to get out of Snyder’s grip. The man overpowered him however and was able to keep him still enough for Mr. Wiesel to shove the rag over his mouth. A moment later Jack’s eyes started to droop and he went limp in Snyder’s hold. Snyder growled and let go, allowing Jack’s body to collapse to the floor.

“Let’s get him out of here,” he hissed at Mr. Wiesel who grabbed a big duffel bag and helped Snyder lift the teenager inside to transport him to Mr. Weisel’s building.

Mr. Wiesel’s apartment was one bedroom but he had a small room that could be used as an office or a study. It didn’t have any windows and he had cleared it so all that was inside was a mattress, which they dumped Jack on.

“Did you get everything I asked you to get?” Snyder questioned and Mr. Wiesel nodded and left the room. When he returned he was holding a pair of handcuffs. Snyder locked it tightly around one of Jack’s wrists and then pulled the the cuff around a piece of the radiator on the wall next to the mattress. He then cuffed Jack's other wrist. Mr. Wiesel held his hand out once more and Snyder grabbed the handkerchief to tightly gag Jack’s mouth. When he stood up he looked at state Jack was in with pride.

“That should keep him locked up and quiet for now,” he chuckled, patting Mr. Wiesel on the back. They left the room and Mr. Wiesel locked the door before joining Snyder at his kitchen table.

“You want anything to drink?” Mr. Wiesel asks and Snyder looks at his watch. “Joe called about thirty five minutes ago and said the boys were asking questions. I should probably head back before they arrive.”

“What did Joe say to you?”

Snyder laughs. “He was pissed I didn’t tell him I was planning anything. Said if he had known things could have been a lot smoother. I think he hates Kelly more than me. But we got everything done, didn’t we?” He says, smiling.

Mr. Wiesel smiles too. “So what’s next?”

Snyder shrugs. “We wait for Joe to tell us. It was his idea originally but we never went into full details the last time he mentioned it. He’s got something planned, though.” Snyder stood up and held out his hand for Mr. Wiesel to shake.

“Thanks for helping. Have fun with Kelly. Teach him some manners, won’t you?”

Mr. Wiesel laughs as he shakes Snyder’s hand. “Sure thing.”

When Jack had woken up Mr. Wiesel was there in the room sitting on a chair.

“Welcome back, Mr. Kelly,” he grins “Your foster father tells me you haven’t been behaving your self,” he says.

Jack gives him a hateful stare and mumbles a muffled _screw you_  into his gag.

“I don’t think you realize the severity of your situation,” Mr. Wiesel taunts. “Mr. Snyder is sick of your misbehaving, as is Mr. Pulitzer and Mr. Pulitzer has a way of dealing with those who give him trouble. You’ll see soon enough.”

Jack gave another muffled response, which Mr. Wiesel silenced with a kick to his ribs. A few kicks and hits later left Jack’s body sore and his nose bloody. Once he was left alone he prayed that his brothers would find him soon.

It isn't an easy task. A week goes by and neither Crutchie, Race, nor Davey can figure out where to look next.

“I don’t know what to do,” Crutchie cries, his head in his hands. He’s sitting at one of the lunch tables at school with Davey.

“Has Mr. Pulitzer said anything to you?” He asks and Crutchie shakes his head. “I’ve heard Snyder on the phone with him but whenever I ask he just says that it’s difficult for everyone and they’re doing the best he can. I tried calling Mr. Pulitzer myself but I just keep getting his receptionist. She tells me she’ll let him know to call me back but he never does!”

“Is there anyone else we can ask for help?”

“I don’t know!” Crutchie snaps and then frowns. “I’m sorry.”

Davey pats his back and gives him a warm look of assurance. “I’m sure something will come up. How has Elmer been at daycare?”

Crutchie calms at the mention of his brother. “He seems to like it. He brought home an art project yesterday and was really happy to show his social worker who took it to hang it up in the office.”

“Wait,” Davey says in disbelief, “Mr. Pulitzer took Elmer's art work to hang up?”

“Mr. Pulitzer isn’t Elmer’s social worker,” Crutchie informs him. “I guess because he was younger they assigned a different one who works with children his age. Her name is Ms. Plumber.”

“Does she know about the situation with Jack?”

“I’m not sure,” Crutchie admits, and then his eyes light up as he finally realizes why Davey is asking about her. “Maybe she has! She seems way nicer than Mr. Pulitzer. Maybe if Elmer is concerned she’ll tell us something.”

“What’s a day we can bring him by her office?” Davey asks. Crutchie thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Tomorrow Snyder is going to a friend’s house at night! He plays poker. We could have her come to the apartment. Tell her something’s up with Elmer.”

Davey nods in agreement. “That’s perfect!”

When Tuesday night came Race notified Davey the second Snyder had left the apartment. The three of them rushed into the living room.

“Are you ready for this?” Davey asked Crutchie as he hand him his cell phone.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

 He dials Ms. Plumber’s number.

“Hi? Ms. Plumber? This is Charlie, Elmer’s brother? No everything isn’t okay. Elmer’s had a very bad nightmare and he won’t stop crying. I tried to call my foster father but he’s out tonight and I think his cell phone died. Would you please be able to come over?”

He spoke for a few more minutes before hanging up. “It worked! She’s on her way!”

“Okay Elmer,” Race says, looking stern. “You have to give us your best pouty face when she gets here.” They rubbed his face with a wet washcloth to make it look like he’d been crying. When the doorbell buzzed about twenty minutes later Race ran out of the apartment to let Katherine inside the building and Elmer started whining.

“Oh sweetie,” Ms. Plumber said when she finally walked through the door. She rushed over to Elmer and knelt down. “What’s wrong?”

“Bad dream,” he cried. Ms. Plumber rubbed his back and looked at Crutchie.

“Charlie right? Is there anything you could think of that might have given him a scare?” She looks around and then says, “Where’s Jack, by the way?”

The boys’ eyes widen at the mention of the Jack but remained calm. “That’s actually why we called you, Ms. Plumber. We were wondering if you heard anything at the office about Jack getting a new placement? He hasn’t been here for a week. Elmer really misses him.”

“Please call me Katherine. And what do you mean he hasn’t been here for a week? His file says that it’s recommended he not be split up from his biological half brother. If Jack was given a new placement I would have been notified because Elmer would be going there as well.”

Crutchie shrugs, “Mr. Pulitzer says..”

“Joseph Pulitzer?” Katherine interrupts. “He knows about this?”

“I think so. I’ve heard my foster dad talking to him on the phone.”

Katherine stands up. “I’m sorry boys but I need to speak to Mr. Pulitzer before I can give you any information.” She looks at Elmer and says with a soft voice, “It’ll be okay, sweetie.” She holds out her hands and Elmer walks over to give her a hug.

“I’ll be in touch, Charlie.”

Crutchie nods and walks her out the door. When he closes the door he turns around to the boys with a big smile on his face. “We’re one step closer! Something’s definitely going on and I think she’ll help figure out what!”

“I hope we hear from her soon,” Davey says.

“We will. I’m sure of it. Ms. Plumber is going to help us find Jack.”


	13. Chapter 13

The following day Davey spends each of his morning classes staring at the clock and counting down the minutes until lunchtime. He had told Crutchie that he could use his cellphone to call Katherine for an update. There was a nauseous feeling in his stomach that she hadn’t found anything. With only one meeting with Joseph Pulitzer he knew that the man was up to no good. Still he stared at the clock and forced the feeling away. Any news was better than no news. Jack’s absence had gotten to his friends the second they realized he was missing and it sadden to see them each day slowly losing hope and wondering if their hero would be return. Davey knew each boy thought of Jack as a hero. Jack’s selflessness impressed Davey and it was so easy to get involved in his rescue. Jack deserves someone to care about him just as much as he cares about others.

The bell goes off at 11:40 and Davey throws his textbook into his backpack and races out the door. He gets to the spot Crutchie said to meet at before him and stands impatiently until he sees Crutchie walking over.

Davey is already shoving his cellphone into Crutchie’s hand as he asks, “Is your phone charged?”

“Yes. Katherine’s phone number is already saved under KP.”

Crutchie nods and swipes through the contacts to get to the number he needs. He looks at Davey and takes a deep breath before hitting ‘dial’.

Davey can hear the multiple rings. Why isn’t she picking up? He’s about to let out a growl when Katherine finally answers.

“Hello, This is Katherine Plumber speaking.”

“Hi. Katherine. This is Charlie. Elmer’s foster brother?”

“Oh yes. Hi Charlie. Listen, I haven’t had a chance to speak to Mr. Pulitzer today. Why don’t you give me a call tomorrow? I'm actually about to go to a meeting,” she says and is about to hang up but Crutchie is able to yell out, “Wait!”

“Yes, Charlie?”

“I don’t know how to say this,” Crutchie says uncomfortably, “but I think Mr. Pulitzer is involved in Jack’s disappearance.”

There is a long pause. “What do you mean disappearance? And Mr. Pulitzer is a dedicated social worker and has done wonders to get our agency as well respected as we are,” Katherine retorts.

“Please. Something isn’t right. I can feel it. Jack is in danger. Please believe me,” he begs.

“I’ll give you a call tomorrow,” Katherine says again, “Everything is going to be alright.”

With that she hangs up and Crutchie’s eyes water.

“Hey,” Davey whispers as he puts his arm around Crutchie. “If Mr. Pulitzer really is involved than he’ll probably be dodging Katherine’s questions just like he did ours. She’s bound to get suspicious.”

“I know,” Crutchie sighs, “I just hope she doesn’t upset him enough that Jack gets hurt even more.”

It is hard to upset him when she can’t even reach him. Katherine tries all day to have a moment with Mr. Pulitzer but he’s having a very busy morning and keeps frantically sending her away. She’s about to give up until she walks by his office and notices it’s slightly open. She quietly peaks in and sees him at his desk with his head in his hand and talking in a hushed voice. He must not have realized he didn't close his door completely.

“No,” he hisses “it has to be done by tomorrow. It’s been seven days and I know those other boys of yours have been suspicious since day one. Yes, Jersey City. If you’re telling everyone he ran away then this will give you some credibility. He ran, ended up in New Jersey, and was beat up by a local. It’s a very likely story and I know the location of an abandoned building where you can dump him.” Joe hangs up the phone a few moments later and Katherine hurries off to her office.

She grabs her phone and goes to her most recent calls to send a text to the number Charlie called her on. _Call ASAP. I think I have info._

Her heart starts beating faster as she realizes Charlie's concerns are becoming valid. Suddenly she gets an idea and logs onto the database on her computer to search for the status of certain clients. They log the kids who are known for running and returning to the streets. She finds the list of children who are tagged as runaways and clicks on each profile to look at previous placements and starts making a list.

Her eyes widen when she learns that in total there have been four kids under Mr. Snyder’s placement who had been logged as a runway by Mr. Pulitzer, the fourth being Jack. The three others were also boys and were placed in his home before Charlie had arrived.

She text the number again. _CALL NOW._

It takes an agonizing fourteen minutes before her phone starts ringing. She answers it quickly.

“Hello, Charlie?”

“Yeah it’s me.”

“Charlie listen I believe you. I overheard a very frightening conversation Mr. Pulitzer was having and I think it was about Jack. I need to meet with you tonight. Is there anywhere we can meet?”

“You can come here again!” Charlie says. “My foster dad isn’t here right now.”

“He’s out?” Katherine asks nervously.

“Yeah. He said he was playing poker twice this week and something about one of the guys not being able to play next week. I don’t believe him, though.”

“I’m on my way now,” Katherine exclaims and hangs up, gathering her purse and her keys. Her pace gets faster when she walks by Mr. Pulitzer’s office and finds that he’s already gone.

When she arrives at Charlie’s apartment she shoves a piece of paper in his hands.

“You need to look at this,” she says. “There have been three other boys who ran away under Mr. Snyder’s care. Now we deal with a lot of children who would rather be on the street than passed around in the system but the fact that all three boys were also on Mr. Pulitzer’s caseload is concerning."

Davey grabs the paper out of Crutchie’s hand and his face turns pale when he sees the last name listed. “It’s Jack,” he whispers, and Katherine gives a sad nod before turning to Crutchie.

“Where did Mr. Snyder say his poker game was at?” she asks.

 “He didn’t. He never tells us anything.”

 "Call him,” she demands. “Tell him that Elmer’s not feeling well. I know that’s along the lines of what you did to get me over here last night,” she smiles.

Davey hands Crutchie his cellphone and he takes it hesitantly. “He’s gonna be mad that I’m calling.”

Katherine puts her hand on Crutchie’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” she assures him, “I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.”

“But what if Mr. Pulitzer finds out you helped us?”

“Mr. Pulitzer won’t do anything to me.”

“But –“

“Charlie!” Katherine yells, and once she has Crutchie’s attention the warm look on her face returns. “You don’t have to worry about me. Mr. Pulitzer is my father. He won’t do anything to me.”

“Your father?” Race asks, shocked.

Katherine nods. “It’s why I was so harsh with you this afternoon. Of course I’m going to be defensive about my father. But then I overheard the conversation he was having and it did not sound good. It sounded too much like what’s been going on with Jack. And this new information is just making the situation even worse. My dad has always made sure we’ve been one of the top agencies. If anyone were causing him trouble I wouldn’t doubt he would try to stop them. I just never thought it would be the kids he’d be stopping.”

“Okay,” Crutchie says. “I’m calling.”

Katherine, Davey, and Race all watch as Crutchie dials Snyder’s number. “Hey dad? I know I’m sorry that I’m calling but I think Elmer is getting sick. I know you can’t come home right now but can you just tell me where you are so I know where to find you if he gets worse? Okay. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

He hangs up and looks at Race. “He’s at Mr. Wiesel’s apartment.”

“Who is that?” Katherine asks.

“He’s known Snyder a long time. He’s one of his closet friends. He doesn’t live far.”

“Well let’s going!” Davey exclaims. They bring Elmer over to the Jacobs' apartment to play with Les and head out. Every one of them is hoping that they get to Jack in time.


	14. Chapter 14

Jack rolls over on the mattress and groans as a wave of nausea hits him. He opens his eyes and can feel the blood on the right side of his face that had dried and crusted. Mr. Wiesel’s presence was a daily occurrence and he loved to find new ways to mess with Jack’s mind.

“You’ve always been the most interesting out of all of Snyder’s boys,” he had told him on the second day. “Definitely the most handsome, too.”

He smiled at Jack as he said it and for the first time since his arrival at the man’s apartment Jack was truly terrified of what was to come.

It’s been only words and long stares as eyes wander down his body but Jack still felt a sense of dread when the man enters the room. One time Mr. Wiesel had walked in holding a plate and a glass of water and sat down on the chair to eat. He ate slowly and laughed as Jack’s stomach groaned. He hadn’t eaten since his last meal at Snyder’s. Mr. Wiesel took his last bite of his sandwich and pat his belly.  
  
“Pastrami on rye is my favorite.”

Jack’s stomach let out another noise and Mr. Wiesel stood up from the chair.

“Sounds like somebody’s hungry,” he taunted and then grabbed the glass of water. “Thirsty too, I bet.”

Jack still had a fight in him them. He gathered all the spit that he could and spat at the man. “Got all the water I need,” he said.

Mr. Wiesel wiped his face and then poured the water over the boy still bound to the radiator. Jack flinched as the ice cold water hit him but didn’t say a word. He waited until Mr. Wiesel left to try and lap at the water that was on his skin because despite what he said he _was_ thirsty.

He had another chance a few hours later but his own body at betrayed him. He looked up at Mr. Wiesel through blurry eyes and had whined when he saw the glass of water in his hands.

“It’s all yours,” Mr. Wiesel had told him, “You just have to ask for it.”

“Water,” he asked and Mr. Wiesel shook his head.

“You have to be nicer than that.”

Jack groaned and put his head down on the mattress and closed his eyes in frustration. A moment later he lifted his head and stared at Mr. Wiesel with the sad eyes he knew the man wanted.

“Please can I have some water,” he begged, and Mr. Wiesel squatted down to hold the cup to Jack’s lips. He tipped the cup too fast and Jack wasn’t able to keep up with the water. He choked and coughed, spitting some of the water out on Mr. Wiesel arm which caused him to put the cup down and slap Jack’s face.

He cried out at that and continued to cry even after Mr. Wiesel had left the room. He wasn’t even trying to be defiant and yet defiance was all he could give. He could hear Snyder’s words in his head. _Nothing seems to teach you any damn respect._

He deserves this.

The thought came to him the next evening when Mr. Wiesel entered the room with Snyder in tow.

“How’s he doing?” Snyder had asked and Mr. Wiesel gave out a chuckle.

“Still giving me lip,” Mr. Wiesel said and Snyder sighed. He leaned over and grabbed a grip on Jack’s hair to force his head up so Jack was looking at him.

“Sometimes I think the only way he’d shut up was if those lips were sown shut,” Snyder growled and then released Jack’s head with a shove.

“Still nothing from Joe?”

Snyder shook his head. “I’ll give him a call tomorrow. In the meantime I guess we’ll just have to have some fun.”

He removed his belt and Jack prepared for it to hit his back. Instead, Snyder had kicked him, which caused Jack to curl up in on himself. Snyder then let the belt go and Jack screamed as the belt buckle lashed at his face. The buckle had gotten him two more times, on his chin and on his arm before Mr. Wiesel’s boot was in his back and pushing him onto his stomach. Mr. Wiesel pushed his shirt up so his back was exposed and Snyder continued the whipping, yelling at him about all the trouble he had caused him these past two years.

The words eventually begin to fade as Jack lost consciousness but the last words he heard were his own. _I deserve this._

He dreams of Santa Fe whenever he passes out but eventually dream starts changing and on the seventh day it is no longer an escape. He was at Grand Central Station and he had his bags packed. His mom was sitting with him and they were sharing a slice of pizza. She was telling him about the new apartment they’d be living in and the new neighborhood. “Can we get a horse?” Jack asked and his mother started to laugh. Except it wasn’t her normal laugh. She crackled hysterically, looked Jack right in the eye, and said, “You’re not going to Santa Fe.”

Suddenly the pizza in his mouth felt wrong. The delicious pepperoni and sausage suddenly tasted metallic and when he spit it out the sauce dripped from his lips except it wasn’t sauce anymore. Jack’s entire mouth was filled with blood and he panicked and his mom was laughing hysterically, her tan face suddenly grey and deathly. He screamed but no one could hear him as the train’s horn left the station, the conductor waving to him as he left Jack behind.

“Jack,” his mother slurred, “You deserve this, Jack.”

_You deserve this, Jack._

_Jack_

_Jack_

“JACK!”

Jack’s eyes shoot open and he ignores the nausea as he rolls over on the mattress. He opens his eyes and squints to try and identity the bodies in the room with him, confused when he sees more than two. Had Mr. Pulitzer finally come?

“He’s handcuffed to the radiator,” a female voice says.

“Race go look for the keys,” another voice demands.

“Jack,” the original voice repeats, and suddenly someone is walking over to him. They extend their hand and Jack flinches.

“No,” he sobs, “Please don’t.”

The person puts their hand down. ‘It’s me, Jack. It’s Davey.”

Jack shakes his head, doesn’t trust his own mind and lets out a muffled cry into his pillow.

Davey looks up at Crutchie. “Maybe you should try,” he says but Crutchie doesn’t move.

He expected Jack to be hurt but he didn’t expect this. Katherine had raced down the street in her car. She drove fast and hit the steering wheel in anger whenever she’d get stuck at a red light. Crutchie told her the way to go and when they finally pulled up to Mr. Wiesel’s apartment both he and Davey had their doors open before Katherine even turned off the car.

“My dad is here,” she informed them, pointing to a black car across the street.

“How are we going to do this?” Race asked.

“Just knock on the door,” Davey said. “Get all your strength and push yourself inside. They’ll be surprised to see us. Katherine have 9-1-1 ready to be dialed on your phone.”

Katherine nodded and everybody walked into the building. Mr. Wiesel’s apartment was different than theirs and Crutchie was thankful no one had to be buzzed in. His apartment was on the first floor and Crutchie whispered to Davey that it was the door on the left. Davey took a deep breath before banging on the door.

A few seconds later the door opened and Mr. Wiesel was glaring at him. “Who are you?”

“My name is Davey Jacobs,” he says. As he has Mr. Wiesel’s attention Race suddenly storms inside and pushes past Mr. Wiesel who shouts, “Hey!”

Davey follows Race, pushing Mr. Wiesel who stumbles back. Katherine and Crtuchie follow.

“What is going on?” Snyder yells and stops when he runs into Race.

“Anthony? What the hell are you doing here?” he hisses.

“We’re here for Jack,” Crutchie says and Snyder looks at him.

“What has gotten into you boys? Jack’s not here. Now Charlie I told you I didn’t want you interrupting the game tonight and yet here you are.”

“I know you’re not playing poker,” Crutchie says, “and we know you have Jack.”

“This is ridiculous. Let’s go, I’m taking you boys home.”

“If Jack isn’t here then show us,” Davey demands as he walks up to Snyder.

“Who are you?” Snyder asks and then looks up at Katherine. “Mrs. Plumber? Please don’t tell me you’ve fallen into this trap.”

“Mr. Pulitzer’s car is across the street. Why would he be here with you if Jack wasn’t here as well?”

“Mr. Pulitzer enjoys poker as well!” Snyder replies, which causes Katherine to laugh.

“He never plays poker.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because Mr. Pulitzer is my father,” Katherine informs him and Snyder gives her a look of disbelief.

“It’s true,” Joe confirms as he walks down the hallway. “Katherine,” he sighs, “What have you gotten yourself into?”

“What have I gotten myself into? What have _you_ gotten yourself into?” She shouts. “I heard you on the phone. You’re planning on getting rid of Jack. And he’s not the first boy you’ve gotten rid of.”

Joe remains calm. “Katherine, darling, I can assure you this is all just a misunderstanding.”

“Then show us,” Katherine commands, “It’s like Davey said. If he’s not here then prove it.”

Joe’s eye twitches and Snyder huffs in frustration. “This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he yells at Joe, “and I am not dealing with these brats. We need to do something.”

“There’s too many of them!” Mr. Wiesel exclaims.

“You are not doing anything to my daughter,” Joe growls.

“It’s over,” Katherine says, her eyes on her father. “I’ve already called the police.”

Snyder and Mr. Wiesel curse and start to panic. Snyder gathers his keys and wallet and runs out of the building with Mr. Wiesel following behind. They leave the apartment to find a police car pulling up and start running.

“Go to Jack,” Katherine says to Davey and Crutchie. They walk down the hallway and into the room that Mr. Pulitzer had emerged from and see Jack lying in an awkward position due to his stretched arms from where his wrists are handcuffed to the radiator. His shirt is torn apart and his back his full of bloody gashes, some new and some old and dried. There is dry blood caked in his hair and over his face. He’s unconscious but they can hear his low moans and groans where he can’t even escape the pain in his sleep.

“Is he there?” Katherine asks as she enters the room and gasps when she sees him. “He’s handcuffed to the radiator,” and Davey nods and wakes Jack up which causes the boy to cry out in panic. “He’s out of it. I don’t think he recognizes us.”

Crutchie tells Race to look for the keys. “An ambulance is coming,” Katherine informs them. “I called the police as soon as you were inside. Snyder and Mr. Wiesel tried to get away but were stopped.”

“And your dad?”

Katherine sighs.  
  
“They have him as well.”

Race returns with the keys to the handcuffs and Davey releases Jack’s wrists. He still stares up at Davey with a look of confusion but allows Davey to hold him. When the paramedics come he doesn’t even put up a fight. It’s not the Jack that Crutchie and Race know, the Jack that Davey has come to care for.

The exit from Mr. Wiesel’s apartment is bittersweet. Jack is safe, rescued, but all is still not well. Katherine follows the ambulance in her car and lets the tears fall down her face. The boys have their battle and she has her own. There’s a long road ahead for each of them.


	15. Chapter 15

The darkness that engulfs Jack is silent until muffled noises make their way in. As the noises get clearer he can hear Elmer singing a song. _Five little ducks went out one day. Over the hill and far away._ There is a sense of comfort in the singing; it’s one of Elmer’s favorite songs. He feels relaxed, can imagine Elmer holding up five fingers with a smile on his face, but then dread hits him like he’s being stabbed. If Elmer’s up that mean Jack slept in and if Jack slept in then Snyder’s going to come for him. He tries to open his eyes, tries to wake up, but he can’t. He feels hands on him. Snyder, it must be Snyder. They shake him and he wants to get away. “No,” he mumbles, “I’m sorry, please, I didn’t mean to.”

“Jack,” Snyder replies and Jack is confused because Snyder’s voice is gentle and soothing and everything Snyder’s not. “Wake up, Jack,” the voice that can’t be Snyder says and finally Jack is able to comply. He opens his eyes and finds warm brown eyes staring back at him.

The person senses their confusion. “It’s Ms. Plumber,” they explain. “Elmer’s social worker.”

“Elmer,” Jack croaks. He wants to see his brother.

“Jack?” Elmer responds to his name as he always does when Jack calls. He pops out from behind Ms. Plumber and looks at Jack shyly. It was scary to walk into the hospital room and see his big brother on the bed, pale, sickly, and bruised. Ms. Plumber had told him it might take awhile before Jack woke up and when he did they had to be careful.

Jack tries to sit up but pain shoots up his entire body and he lets out a groan. Ms. Plumber puts her hand on his shoulder to keep him against the bed.

“You have a lot of injuries. Try to stay still and rest.”

“Synder –“

“Mr. Snyder can’t hurt you anymore,” Ms. Plumber assures him. “You’re safe now. As is Elmer, Charlie, and Anthony. They will be here soon.”

 _Safe._ The safety she is thinking of has become a foreign concept for Jack. He’s tried to get to that safety multiple times but failed. Jack has created his own type of safety. He finds it in Elmer’s singing, in Crutchie and Races’ room, in his conversations with Davey.

Elmer is staring at him with his lip trembling slightly. Jack tries to give him a smile, the one Elmer always returns, but even that movement causes another groan to escape.

“Go back to sleep, Jack. It’s okay to go back to sleep.”

Jack follows Ms. Plumber’s directions. He closes his eyes and lets the darkness come back to him.

“Five little ducks went out one day,” he whispers.

“Over the hill and far away,” Elmer continues. “Mother duck said, ‘quack quack quack quack,’ and only four little ducks came back. Four little ducks went out one day..”

Elmer’s voice fades as Jack falls back asleep. “Why don’t we go sit down again,” Katherine says to Elmer. He nods and sits back on the chair and continues watching videos on the ipad Katherine and brought for him to use.

When Crutchie and Race return a few hours later Jack is still asleep but they rush over to check on him.

“He woke up for a little bit,” Katherine informs him, “hopefully he rests for the rest of the day. The boys nod and go to sit with Elmer.

“Katherine,” a man calls out. He had followed Crutchie and Race into the room and waited for a moment to talk to her.

“Hi Oscar. I didn’t see you there.”

“Do you have a moment? I am taking over for your father regarding Jack, Charlie, and Anthony.”

Katherine nodded and followed Oscar to the hallway. She closed the door to Jack’s room and turned to him.

“I am currently in the process of assigning the boys new placements,” he says.

“Placements?” Katherine asks, “as in plural? I don’t think it’s best to split these boys up.”

“I understand but unfortunately it’s hard to find someone who has room for all three of them.”

Katherine sighs. “There must be someone.” Suddenly her face lights up. “Have you spoken to Tom? He is usually very cooperative when emergencies occur.”

Oscar shakes his head. “To be honest I hadn’t thought of him. I didn’t know if a group home was the best option.”

“I would prefer a placement where their needs could be specifically focused on as well but Tom has dealt with children who have gone through trauma. If there’s a best option it would certainly be him.”

“I’ll give him a call right now,” Oscar says. Katherine goes back into the hospital room and the boys look up at her.

“So what now?” Race asks.

“Mr. Delancey is going to be making some phone calls. He might be taking you to a group home later today."

“A group home?”

Katherine nods. “I know Mr. Kloppman, the man in charge very well and I trust him.”

Crutchie and Race looked at each other with uncertainty but push the feelings away as Davey entered the hospital room.

“Hi,” Davey says as he walks towards Jack’s bed. “How is he?”

“Katherine said he woke up for a few minutes.”

“He still seemed to be in a lot of pain despite the fact he’s on very strong painkillers,” Katherine confirms. He was a bit confused when he woke up but calmed down once he saw Elmer.”

“We’re going to a group home,” Race blurts out. Davey’s eyes widen and he looks at Katherine who nods. “I’ve told the boys that I know the man that is in charge. They’ll be able to visit Jack. I’m sure he’ll let you visit them at the facility as well.”

“Have you heard anything about your father?” Davey asks. Katherine sighs. “He’s still in holding at the station. I went to see him but he refused to talk to me.”

“So what’s next?” Davey asks as he looks at Jack.

“We take it day by day. Jack’s a strong boy. He’ll get through this.”

The five of them sit besides Jack for the rest of the day. They watch as he sleeps and as nurses come in and out of his room to check his vitals. Jack stays still, dead to the world. A part of Davey is relieved, as the sounds Jack was making in Mr. Wiesel’s apartment were hard to hear. As the afternoon turns into evening Davey keeps checking the clock, wishing time would slow down. He knows the nurses will asks them to leave soon. Davey doesn’t want to leave. His mind remains on Jack all hours of the day. He misses the smirk Jack gives when he talks, misses his laughter, the way he says words with his slang that he’s learned from the streets. Seeing him lying there, still and silent, he just wants to take the boy in his arms.

Jack came into his life unexpectedly like a hurricane; their friendship formed fast and caused a whirlwind of emotions that Davey’s never experienced before. All he knows is that now that he has Jack in his life he wants to keep him in his life.

When a nurse finally does come to say that visiting hours is over he watches as his friends say goodbye. Katherine gently ruffles his hair. Charlie and Race each lean down and speak quietly into his ear. Elmer gives him a kiss on the cheek. Davey squeezes Jack’s hand.

The nurse smiles as they walk out of the room, leaving Jack alone with the beeping of the machines.


	16. Chapter 16

As Katherine said, Mr. Kloppman is indeed a very nice man. He greets Katherine and Oscar with a smile which at first neither Crutchie nor Race trusted. Mr. Snyder had greeted them with a smile as well when he first met him. Mr. Kloppman’s smile, however, seems genuine, Crutchie eventually decides as he says hello to each of them.

 “You can call me Tom, or Mr. K,” he says. “Kloppman is a bit mouthful, isn’t it?”

Crutchie and Race just stare back at him yet Tom’s smile never fades. “It’s okay,” he then says, “I’m used to kids not wanting to respond to me when they first get here. Why don’t I show you around? All you’ll need to do is walk with me. No talking required.” He then goes to a drawer in his desk and pulls out a lollipop, which he hands to Katherine.

“Elmer,” he says, looking at the small boy who had been hiding behind Race, “If you’d would like this it’s all yours.”

Katherine holds out her hand to Elmer. He looks up at Racetrack who nods and then he takes the lollipop. They follow Tom out of his office.

“There are currently six other boys here,” he explains. “I only take in ten children total so when Jack arrives he’ll make ten.”

All three boys look up at the mention of Jack. Tom gives them another smile. “Yes, Jack will be coming here when he’s released from the hospital.”

Tom takes them down a hallway. “This is where your rooms will be. There are two boys to a room. From what Katherine has told me I assume Jack would want to room with Elmer when he does arrive. Until then one of you can room with him and the other will have their room to themselves. Would that be okay?"

“You should share with Elmer,” Crutchie suggests to Race who nods with uncertainty. As the adults start walking Crutchie whispers to Race, “It’ll be easier for you to get up in the middle of the night if he’s scared.”

They walk into a lounge area next. There are couches and tables with chairs. A television hangs on the wall. There are a few kids in the room watching a show.

“Hey Mr. K!” a kid calls out from on the couch. “Just wanna let you know that Spot totally lost the puck for the table hockey. If he says it was me then he’s lying.”

Tom laughs. “Thanks for the notice, Albert,” he says and then returns his focus back on the group.

“As you can see this is where everyone usually hangs out. Lights out is at 9 o’clock and the door to this room is closed and locked by 8:30.”

After the lounge is the eating area and kitchen. They also get to see the hallway that leads to Tom’s room. When they return to Tom’s office he asks if the boys have any questions. They shake their heads no.

“Well if you ever need to talk to me my office door is always open during the day. If for whatever reason you need to talk in the middle of the night then just knock on the door to my room.”

“You also know you can call me,” Katherine adds. “You have Oscar’s number as well.” Before she leaves she gives each boy a hug. “This is going to be a very good fit,” she assures them.

A week goes by and once again Katherine’s word turns out to be true.

“The other kids are pretty cool,” Crutchie tells Davey at lunch. Both Crutchie and Race were happy to find out that they’d still be able to go to their schools. Elmer was even able to stay at his daycare.

“Elmer is probably the youngest kid he’s taken in but he makes it work. He’s already hung up two of his art projects in his office.”

Davey smiles. “I’m glad it’s working out. I think Jack will like it when he gets out. “He gets released on Thursday, right?”

Crutchie nods. “I’m kind of nervous. The doctors say he’s still really quiet. Even when it’s us visiting him he barely talks.”

“It’s the same with me,” Davey sighs. “Maybe it’s just being in the hospital room?”

Crutchie shrugs. “I hope. Hey do you want to stop by tomorrow and make a welcome back sign with us?”

They spend most of that evening making the sign and before they know it the morning comes and it’s time to pick up Jack. Katherine is already in the waiting room when they arrive. They only wait about ten minutes before a nurse comes out of the elevator with Jack in a wheelchair.

His injuries have faded but that same distant look in his eyes from when he was lying on the mattress remains.

“Hey Jack,” Crutchie says softly, “How you doing?”

Jack doesn’t respond.

“Well we’re real happy to take you out of here. This is Mr. Kloppman. We’ve been staying with him and he’s really nice.”

Jack nods and then looks down at the floor.

“Well why don’t we get out of here?” Katherine says. The reaction from Jack breaks her heart but she tries not to show it. “He’s been through a lot,” she reminds the boys when they get back to the group home and the first thing Jack wants to do is lay down.

“Tomorrow’s a new day,” Tom says optimistically, “That's what we'll do; take it by day.”

Except the next day is just as bad. Crutchie and Race walk into his and Elmer’s room that morning and find Elmer sitting on his bed with red eyes. He’d been crying.

“What’s wrong, squirt?”

Elmer looks over at Jack who is still asleep. “He was making noises. In our bed at Mr. Snyder’s he’d move closer when he made noises so I went over and got into bed with him. But then he woke up and told me to go away. I don’t think he loves me anymore.”

“You know that’s not true, Elmer,” Crutchie tells him as he gives him a hug. “Jack still needs to get used to being out of the hospital.”

“Plus he’s in another new place. When he wakes up it’ll be okay. C’mon, let’s go get some breakfast.” Race extends his hand and Elmer takes it. Crutchie looks at Jack as the boys leave. His sheets are tangled around his legs as if he’d been tossing and turning all night. His eyes are squeezed tight and his face is scrunched up.

“Jack,” he says quietly, “It’s me. Crutchie.”

Jack doesn’t stir. “Jack,” he calls out a little louder. Then he very gently touches Jack’s shoulder, which causes him to flinch and awaken. He stares at Crutchie with wide eyes.

“Sorry, Jack,” he apologizes.

“Don’t touch me.” The words are spoken quietly but harsh.

“I’m sorry,” Crutchie apologizes again.

“Then leave.” Jack then rolls over and faces the wall. Crutchie does what he asks and leaves the room. He walks into Tom who asks if he’s going to eat breakfast.

“I will but I don’t think Jack is going to want to.”

Tom gives him a comforting look. “I’ll put some food aside so he can eat when he’s ready.” Crutchie starts to go but then Tom calls his name again. “It’s going to be tough at first, Charlie but believe me, Jack will recover. He just has to do it in his own way. He’s going to push you away but he knows you’re his brother. He knows you, Anthony, and Elmer love him. And because you love him I know you’ll wait as long as it takes for him to get better. I’ll wait too.” Tom then pats his shoulder and walks to the kitchen.

Crutchie knows that it will take time. That doesn’t make it any easier to see his brother so broken. Jack’s tough demeanor had been beaten out of him and now the fragile self that he’s been trying to hide for so long is all that’s left and he’s slowly breaking.

Crutchie just wants to put the pieces of Jack back together again.


	17. Chapter 17

There have been times when Jack wished he didn’t exist. It’s a horrible feeling, one a child should never have to feel, but when the feeling faded away Jack told himself that he was okay. That it would get better. But as he lies on the bed in the group home and takes in the bare room, another room that he’s been shipped off to, another room that’s not his own, he realizes the painful truth. It’s not going to get better. Not for Jack Kelly. The memories of hiding under the covers of his bed sheets or sitting in the shower and thinking _I wish I was never born_ suddenly blur together. The day after his father left, the first few nights in the shelter with his mom, the apartment she took them to a week later with the nonstop parties, the morning after her first high, the night Elmer’s dad trashed the apartment in anger, the car ride after he had found his mom in the bathroom. Jack can’t escape them. His time in the hospital was a dark void of emptiness. He had all those days to dream, to finally get to Santa Fe, but all he saw was nothingness. His mind had given up. The thoughts of _I wish I was never born_ twisted into the awful truth of _I should have never been born._

That has to be it. The reason the world has been trying to bring him down. Over and over again Jack’s been fighting to survive in a world that doesn’t seem to want him.

The group home seems nice. Crutchie and Race come into his room each morning with a smile. They’re calm and at ease. Elmer is too. Jack can’t remember a time he hasn’t shared a bed with his brother since his birth but Elmer’s been content in his own space. Jack can feel his presence when he knows Jack is having a nightmare, can hear him calling his name, but when Jack doesn’t respond he goes back into his own bed.

Jack didn’t even think Elmer knew how to be safe without him.

The sounds of the group home grow louder. There’s cheering and laughing and he can hear a boy yell out the name of someone. Jack’s heard the name before, back in Snyder’s apartment. There’s a Knicks game on.

There’s multiple voices chattering on but Jack can only hear one. “Jack! Get me another beer!” Snyder calls out when he’s too focused on the game to get off the couch. His feet are plopped up on the coffee table and his eyes never leave the television.

“Goddamnit!” Snyder sometime screams when the games over and the Knick’s have lost. The remote hits the wall after the TV’s been turn off. Jack is yelled at for taking too long to bring him yet another beer. He’s mumbling to himself, something about Mr. Wiesel and now oweing seventy bucks.

“I can never catch a fucking break,” he slurs, snatching the beer out of Jack’s hand. “Money keeps disappearing. Fucking Pulitzer. Bringing me all you kids.”

Jack stands there awkwardly until Snyder sneers at him and throws an empty beer bottle towards head. He barely ducks in time as the bottle falls to the floor and smashes near his feet.

“Don’t just stand there, clean it up.”

He listens to the drunken voice as he picks up the piece and drowns out the sounds of Snyder complaining. He’s too focused on ignoring him that he doesn’t notice when the man gets closer to him and starts shaking him.

Jack flinches hard and blinks his eyes. When his vision finally focuses he realizes he’s not in the living room with Snyder. He’s on his bed and Crutchie’s looking at him.

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

The sarcasm drips out with each word. Gone is the Jack that would smile back and reassure that he’s fine.

“You were just sitting there,” Crutchie tells him, “just staring. But your eyes were stuck. You weren’t moving. I don’t think you even knew I was here.”

“Oh. I dunno, guess I was deep in thought.”

“What were you thinking about?” Crutchie asks, sitting down next to him on the bed.

“I dunno,” Jack says. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Well Mr. K put lunch out. He got us all subs and chips because we’re watching the game.”

 “Yeah, I heard,” Jack says and lies down on the bed. “I’ll eat later.”

Crutchie pats his leg and gets up. “I’ll tell Mr. K to save you one. Oh by the way, Davey is going to be coming by tomorrow! I think it would be good to see him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jack says unenthusiastically. Crutchie takes the hint and finally leaves Jack alone in his room.

When Davey arrives the next day Jack is still in his room. It’s funny to Jack how he’s spent so many times locked in a closet, confined to the small space and wishing for release, only to finally be out and then let himself stay put in this small room.

Snyder’s closet, the apartment, the hospital bed; these past two years Jack’s only known restrictions. He hasn't been free and now that he has that freedom it’s all just so overwhelming. He can eat when he wants to. Can go outside if he pleases. He doesn’t have to do what someone else forces him to do. Crutchie, Race, and Elmer embrace the freedom but Jack? Jack’s just lost.

Davey makes his presence known with a knock. He slowly opens the door and says hello. He sits next to Jack on the bed.

“You’re looking better,” he says.

“Thanks.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

Jack shrugs. “I guess. I don’t hurt as much so that’s good.”

“Crutchie says you’ve been quiet,” Davey says and Jack sighs. Here we go again.

“I’m fine,” Jack lies.

Davey can tell. “Have you been getting out? Race said that he and Elmer went to the movies but you didn’t want to go.”

“I didn’t want to see it.”

“You didn’t want to eat candy either? Elmer said Medda gave him like 3 different candies to take home.”

“Wasn’t hungry.”

Davey leans over and rests his forehead against his hand. “Look. Crutchie and Race don’t know how to say it so they’ve asked me to talk to you. They’ve been working with Mr. K and they’ve found someone for you to talk to. Would you go?”

Jack laughs and leads back against the wall.

“A shrink? No thanks.”

“Many people see a therapist, Jack. My whole family went to one after Sarah passed,” Davey reveals. “It really helped. And it wouldn’t be just you. Your brothers would go to some of the sessions, too. We’re just concerned about you.”

“I don’t need anyone to worry about me,” Jack scoffs. “I’ve had plenty of people not give a crap about me. Hell they even tried to get rid of me but I’m still here.”

“Except when you’re staring off into space,” Davey points out. “I saw you in Mr. Wiesel’s apartment. You didn’t even know where you were. Your eyes were empty and it was so scary. Crutchie saw those same eyes and he says he still sees them. You’ll hear something or see something and then a light switches off and you’re out and when he gets you back you don’t even realize that it happened.”

“It’s ain’t a big deal, Davey.”

“Yes it is,” Davey yells. “You’re a big deal to your brothers, to Katherine, and to me. You matter, Jack. You matter so much that I’ve spent hours looking at different websites that might help me figure out how to help you.”

“You’re wasting your time,” Jack mumbles.

“I’ll waste as much time as I need to,” Davey says as he gets up. “You spent your whole life taking care of others and now it’s time to let someone take care of you.”

Davey leaves him alone in the room and Jack puts his head in hands before getting back underneath the covers. He closes his eyes and welcomes the darkness.

The darkness is a friend to him.


	18. Chapter 18

After many long days of isolating and withdrawing himself to the same four walls of his bedroom Jack finally agrees to see a therapist.

It’s not that he suddenly decided one day to go out and present himself to the world. If it were up to him he’d never leave that bedroom. The idea of four walls of a bedroom were his safety net. They had transformed such as he had; from the prison of being bound to a dirty mattress to the protection from every person outside the room who were just waiting to hurt him.

It was a Thursday morning when everything changed. Jack heard all the shuffling around of the other boys getting ready for school. He heard all the chattering, the sound of cabinets being opened and closed, heard the chewing of hungry adolescent boys as they ate their breakfast. He thought he had waited enough time to sneak out of his room. He knew Crutchie and Race had left for school and that they each found a group of boys to travel with. Elmer had run into the room and given him a kiss goodbye before Mr. K dropped him off at his daycare.

The group home was supposed to be empty.

Jack let out a sigh as his stomach rumbled and pushed himself out of bed. The silence of the group home was comforting. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a cereal box and a bowl. He was looking for a clean spoon when he heard it. Footsteps. He felt his body tense. It did that sometimes. When Jack wasn’t expecting things his body would prepare to defend it self from the unknown. Jack was frozen in place when Mr. K entered the kitchen. He took one look at Jack and could tell something was wrong.

“Jack?” He asks in a calm voice. He stands at the entrance of the kitchen and says, “I’m going to come closer. Is that okay?”

It took Jack a few seconds to be able to nod and then Mr. K walked over to him, looking at the clock.

“I guess traffic wasn’t too bad today. Usually it takes another ten minutes before I’m home. Here we go. This spoon is clean.”

Mr. K hands over the spoon and Jack takes it, avoiding his eyes.

“Well I’ll be in my office if you need me,” and Mr. K walks out of the kitchen leaving Jack holding the spoon and looking at the ground.

He eats his breakfast and then goes to sit on the couch. He puts the TV on and after browsing through every channel and finding nothing interesting he just puts on the shows that he used to watch with Elmer. There are times where he looks over and expects his brother to be there with him but the empty couch reminds him that he’s not.

It’s only an hour later when the déjà vu sets in. He’s sprawled across the couch waiting for a commercial to finish. The TV is muted until it is and Jack hears footsteps again. He knows Mr. K is also home but its when he hears whispers that his body starts to tense up again. The footsteps are slow but getting nearer as are the whispers. Jack closes his eyes. He doesn’t even know what he’s afraid of.

“Oh shit.”

“His eyes are closed. Maybe he’s sleeping. Hurry up, dude.”

“Don’t yell at me. You’ll wake him up.”

The voices go back and forth until Mr. K’s voice stops them.

“What are you two doing here?”

Jack opens his eyes and sees two of the older boys standing with a guilty look on their face.

“Spot made me skip school with him,” one of the boys admits.

“I didn’t make you do anything!”

“You said I was being a pussy and that I never do anything fun and so I followed you just to shut you up.”

“Oh shut up, Finch,” Spot growls and he’s about to say something else when Mr. K puts his hand up and silences him.

“Regardless of whose idea it was you both know you shouldn’t have done it. Let’s go, I’ll drive you back to school. And there will be no privileges for a week.”

“But I already had plans to meet my buddies down at the bridge,” Spot whines.

“No privileges, Sean,” Mr. K says sternly.

Spot huffs and kicks the couch with his foot. “This is bullshit,” he mutters to himself.

“Stop being such a baby,” Finch taunts. “You’re the one who wanted to do it in the first place."

“Stop being such a suck up,” Spot says back as he gives Finch a push who in returns pushes back.

“Hey, _Hey!”_ Mr. K yells but Spot ignores him and pushes Finch hard enough that he stumbles over the coffee table and falls to the floor.

“Screw you, Spot,” Finch yells as he gets up, ready to charge at Spot.

“I SAID THAT IS ENOUGH.”

Both boys stop as Mr. K glares at them and Jack has seen that look before. The look that’s usually directed towards him right before Snyder’s fist heads towards him as well.

Jack doesn’t even realize he’s curled up on himself or that his eyes are closed again. His body acted before his mind could even register. The whimper that comes out of his mouth was uncontrolled as well.

Mr. K hears it and glances at him. He takes a deep breath and tells the boys to go to their room.

“Jack? Can you hear me?”

Jack doesn’t respond.

“It’s Mr. K, Jack. I’m going to come over to you okay? It’s just Mr. K.”

He slowly extends his had over to Jack and even though it’s just a soft brush of his fingers against Jack’s shoulder the boy curls up tighter.

“No,” he begs, “I’m sorry. Please don’t.”

Mr. K quickly moves his hand back. “I’m not going to hurt you, Jack”

“I’m sorry. I’ll be good. Please don’t.”

 “You’re not where you think you are, Jack. You’re at the group home. It’s Mr. K. You’re alright. You’re safe.”

 “What’s up with him?” Spot’s voice asks.

 “Sean I told you to go to your room.”

The multiplying of voices doesn’t help the situation. Jack’s pleads get louder and his shaking is getting worse. “You need to calm down, Jack,” Mr. K says but Jack’s body doesn’t listen.

“Is he okay?”

“Sean! Please just go to your room.”

 “He’s freaking out like really badly.”

“I know,” Mr. K says and then directs his voice to Jack once again. “Jack you need to try and hear me, okay? I’m not going to hurt you.”

Jack’s moving his head back and forth and he’s gone, he’s so far gone, and Mr. K doesn’t know what to do.

“Sean, get me my phone,” he demands and the boy runs off to his office and quickly returns. Mr. K has Katherine on the line in an instant.

The episode lasts only twenty minutes but it feels like eternity. Jack is no longer curled up on himself. Mr. K sits next to him on the couch.

It’s quiet. Until, “I really think you need to see someone, Jack.”  Mr. K’s voice is full of concern, of worry.

Jack just stares straight ahead as he whispers, “I know.”

“I’m going to make the call. Why don’t you go lay down?”

Jack nods and gets up from the couch. On the way to his room he passes Finch’s room and out of the corner of his eye sees him talking to Spot. He pretends he doesn’t see them and continues walking. The second he enters his room he closes the door and slides down so he’s sitting against it. He lets out a sigh and hits his head against the door.

Suddenly the four walls of his room are no longer protecting him. They’re mocking him instead.  Jack Kelly, who fought his way through his entire childhood, who made sure no one would bring him down, has suddenly been reduced to a crying, panic ridden mess.

He needs help.


	19. Chapter 19

After Mr. K had told Jack that he had an appointment for the following week all he felt was nausea. He didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want his brothers to see him any weaker than they’ve seen him before, but it was obvious. He reverted back to refusing to leave his room and when the topic would come up his face would turn pale. Crutchie and Race tried to comfort him as they always did and it wasn’t until the day before the appointment that Davey showed up to do the same.

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

“Not nervous,” Jack huffed as he rolled over in his bed to face the wall.

“I can tell you how the sessions might go? Or at least how they went for me when I saw one.”

Jack didn’t say yes to the idea but he didn’t say no either so Davey continued as he sits down on the edge of the bed.

“The therapist will go on from what you say. If you talk they might take one of your comments and expand on it. What happened? How did you feel? Stuff like that. If you don’t talk they won’t talk. They’ll try to get you to but if you don’t contribute there really won’t be any conversation. They expect the first few sessions to be hard. A good therapist will be patient and won’t push you to limits you can’t handle.”

Jack’s looking at him now, taking in everything he said.

“There are many types of therapists. I’m sure Mr. K found one that will best help you. You’re going to be okay, Jack,” Davey promises.

Jack looks down at the sheets on his bed, ignoring Davey’s eyes as he murmurs a thank you _._ Davey gets up to see Crutchie and Race and before he does he says, “You can always talk to me afterwards.”

The day of the first session Jack tries to keep his cool but he can barely eat his breakfast. The food just makes his stomach flip flop even harder. The car ride with Mr. K is silent. Jack keeps his eyes down on the floor in the waiting room.

The door opens and a lady walks through. “Jack? Jack Kelly?”

Jack hesitates to get up. Mr. K leans over and whispers that it’s going to be okay.

“We are just going to take a seat in a different room, Jack,” The lady says calmly. Her voice reminds him of Katherine. “There’s even a couch in there and it’s much more comfortable then these chairs.”

Jack finally gets up and follows her through the hallway and into her office. She gestures towards the couch she mentioned and Jack sits.

“Hi, Jack. My name is Hannah Hearst. How are you doing today?”

Jack shrugs and looks down to play with a string on his jacket.

“Why don’t I tell you a little about myself?” Dr. Hearst says. “I completed both my bachelors and masters here in New York at NYU. I completed the NYU Bellevue Psychology internship program for Child and Adolescent Psychology. I’ve been here at this office for about five years now.”

“You've seen lots of kids then,” Jack whispers.

Dr. Hearst smiles. “Yes, I have. Many different children and many different stories.”

“Mine ain’t that interesting.”

“Would you like to tell me about it?”

Jack doesn’t respond. His eyes never move from his jacket but Dr. Hearst doesn’t say anything about the fact that the rest of the session was spent sitting in silence. When the time is over she sits up and directs Jack out of the office. “I look forward to seeing you next week, Jack. Maybe you’ll feel a little up to talking then.”

He doesn’t. They spend the first three sessions in silence.

On the day of his fourth session Mr. K brings Elmer along. Elmer is always excited to drive through the city and is always staring in awe as he passes the tall buildings of Manhattan. In the office he finds a children’s magazine and shoves it in Jack’s face.

“A puppy!” He shouts as he points to a dog. “Woof woof.”

“Elphant!”

“El _e_ phant,” Jack corrects. “Gotta have the eh sound, kiddo.”

“Elephant!”

“There you go,” Jack smiles, giving Elmer a high five. As he waits for Dr. Hearst they look through the magazine together.

“I’m ready for you, Jack,” Dr. Hearst’s voice interrupts. Jack jumps a bit, not expecting her.

“Who was that?” she asks as they settle in her office.

“Elmer.”

Dr. Hearst looks at him hoping that he continues and Jack sighs.

“He’s my little brother.”

“I could tell there was a resemblance. How old is he?”

“Four but he’s gonna turn five in a month.”

Dr. Hearst smiles. “He must love having a big brother.”

Jack shrugs. “It’s not like he knows what it’s like to not have a brother.”

“Growing up did you help your mom take care of him?”

Jack is about to respond but stops himself. The talk he had with Davey is always in the back of his mind during these sessions. _If you talk they might take one of your comments and expand on it._ Jack knows where this is going. If he talks about Elmer as a baby he’ll have to talk about his mom. And if he has to talk about his mom…

Jack looks past Dr. Hearst and out the window. “Yeah,” he says, “I helped a little.”

Out of the corner of his eye Jack can see her writing something down in the notebook she always has in her lap during the sessions.

“He sure knows his animals. Do you help him with schoolwork too?”

Jack thinks about all the times he’s read a story to Elmer or sing the alphabet to get him to sleep. He thinks of all the worksheets he got Crutchie to print out and how he’d sit at the table with Elmer. He thinks about Elmer’s first day at the daycare Mr. K signed him up at and how the boy rushed into his room to tell him everything he did that day. He remembers the jealousy he had. Elmer was _his_ brother. _He_ was the one who encouraged him to speak more when he was afraid of delays. _He_ was the one who introduced him to educational shows. Elmer didn’t need anyone else when he had Jack. He’s always had Jack.

Dr. Hearst pulls him out of his thoughts. She can tell he’s forgotten what the question was and repeats it.

“Uh yeah. If he needs help he usually goes to me.”

“I bet your mom would be proud of how much you’ve been taking care of him.”

Jack freezes. _Would be._ That means she knows Jack’s mom isn’t in the picture. Which means she knows something about what happened. His mind starts screaming to him _IT’S A TRAP! IT’S A TRAP!_

“I guess,” is all Jack says. He doesn’t talk for the rest of the session however Dr. Hearst leads him out with a smile. “I think today was a great session, Jack.”

Jack ignores the smile and walks out to see Elmer only to find Mr. K sitting there alone. The feeling of betrayal sits with him the entire car ride back to the group home.

The next time Davey visits and asks how everything is going Jack laughs bitterly.

“It’s just a bunch of tricks.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were right. She tries to get stuff out of me. Says things so I’ll say something and then she can ask me questions I don’t wanna answer.”

“You don’t have to answer them if you don’t want to Jack,” Davey assures him.  “Dr. Hearst will understand.”

“It’s not just her!” Jack yells. “Mr. K too,” he says quietly, looking towards his door. “He brought Elmer and then when I was in there he brought him back here. Of course Dr. Hearst wanted to talk about him the whole time. It’s all a stupid trick.”

He collapses on his bed with his head in his hands. Davey walks over. “It was wrong of Mr. K to do that but I think he just wanted to help. I know it feels like they’re working together to be against you but believe me. Everyone just wants what’s best for you. We tell you this over and over again because we mean it.”

“We?” Jack scoffs.

“Yeah. We. As in me too.”

“Why do you even care?”

“Because you’re my friend Jack. And as selfish as it may sound there are some days where I miss you living below me. I mean, I would never want you to go through what you went through with Snyder, but I miss having you around. I miss going to the fire escape and just hanging out.”

“You do?”

Davey smiles and pats Jack’s arm. For some reason Jack never flinches when Davey touches him.

“Yeah,” Davey says. “I do.”


	20. Chapter 20

When Davey leaves Jack has a feeling inside of him that he hasn’t felt in a long time. He feels calm. He feels like he actually believes that what Davey says is true – that people care about him. The feeling overcomes him as he’s drifting off to sleep and as he closes his eyes he floats away. It’s the most peaceful sleep he’s had in all these years.

But then the morning comes and Jack remembers that nothing lasts forever. He wakes up and sees that Elmer is still asleep in the bed across from him. Jack gets up and stares at his sleeping form for a moment. He smiles as he gently tugs Elmer’s thumb out of his mouth like he used to do.

“Elmer,” he whispers, “Gotta get up, kiddo.”

Elmer groans and stirs in the bed, stretching his legs and his arms before opening his eyes.

“Time for school,” Jack says.

Elmer’s voice is as sleepy as he looks. “Okay.” He pushes the covers off and Jack goes to lift him up like he’s done so many times before. He’s expecting Elmer to rest his head on his shoulder and get a few more minutes of rest as Jack picks out clothes for him to change into. Except as Jack grabs under Elmer’s arms to lift the boy starts squirming.

“Noooo,” he whines, “Wanna do it by myself!”

He pushes Jack away gently as he squirms and Jack let go. Elmer hops out of bed and goes to his closet. He whispers to himself each article of clothing that he pulls out making sure to get everything he needs. When he’s out of his pajamas and into his clothes for the day he turns to Jack with a smile on his face.

“I did it!”

Jack finds it hard to talk. It feels like there’s a lump in his throat. “Yeah,” he finally says, “You did.”

“Time for eggs!” Elmer shouts happily and runs out of the bedroom. Jack follows him slowly.

He’s rarely in the kitchen at the same time as all the other boys but none of them say anything as he walks in behind Elmer. They look at him and give him awkward smiles and then go back to shoving food into their mouths. Crutchie and Race are already seated with a pile of eggs and bacon on their plate. As soon as Elmer walks over to the counter Mr. K. is helping him put food on his own plate.

“Would you like some?” Mr. K asks.

“I guess,” Jack shrugs. He puts some eggs and two slices of bacon on his plate and then joins his brothers.

“Jack!” Race exclaims, with his mouth full of food. A piece of egg falls out of his mouth as he talks. “I helped cook this morning. Does it taste okay?  I ain’t that good at it yet but Mr. K. said I was doing it right.”

“You cooked?”

Race nods. “All of us got different chores to do around here. I’ve done laundry and cleaned the rec room. That’s what the other boys call the room with the TV.  Mr. K rotates us each week.”

“Oh,” Jack says. He takes a bite of his eggs and when he realizes Race is watching him he nods. “Yeah. It taste good. Real good.”

“Needs cheese though,” Crutchie says. “You always made the best scrambled eggs because you mixed cheese in. You need to do that when it’s your turn.”

“I didn’t see his name on the chores list, Crutchie.”

“I’m sure Mr. K will put it on there soon.”

Race and Crutchie’s conversations fade away as Jack looks around him. The tables are filled with boys eating food that Jack didn’t make. They sit around in clean rooms that Jack didn’t clean. Their clothes smell fresh from laundry loads Jack didn’t wash.

He’s felt this since the day they arrived at the group home, this sense of uselessness. But it wasn’t until Jack wasn’t capable of doing anything that he realized that he never had to be capable at all. People could get by just fine without him. His _brothers_ could get by just fine without him.

The silence of the group home is deafening once everyone leaves. Jack just sat there as everyone went along their morning, waiting for someone to need something from him. Not even Elmer came to him. Why would he? He already had food in his belly, his school clothes on, and even his shoes. He had gotten new velcro shoes from Mr. K and no longer needed Jack to tie them.

Jack sat on the couch with the TV on and watched a morning talk show. The hosts were talking about some movie that Jack thought looked interesting when he felt the slap across his face.

“What do you think you’re doing?” A voice growled and Jack jumped up off the couch and looked up at Snyder’s angry face.

“Sorry. Just sat down for a moment.”

“I don’t have you around here to just sit down, Kelly,” and Jack felt another slap hit him across the face. Snyder then grabbed him by the hair and pulled him towards his bedroom.

“No, please – “

“Shut up,” Snyder hissed, throwing him on the ground. “You want to be useless? I’ll make you useless.” He kicked Jack in the side and Jack let out a yelp. Snyder kept kicking and as Jack curled in on himself to cover his body Snyder kicked his arm.

“One less arm to hold the laundry basket with,” Snyder chuckled. He kept kicking and kicking until every part of Jack’s body was burning in pain. “Gonna be hard to bend down and clean now, won’t it?” After what seemed like forever Snyder finally stopped. Jack thought it was over until Snyder bent down, his grin looking more menacing than ever. Jack whimpered as Snyder’s hands went towards his face and around his throat. He tried to let out a scream but the hands squeezed hard and Jack couldn’t breathe.

“You’re a useless piece of shit,” Snyder growled, “I’ve got no use for you anymore. Might as well get rid of you.”

Snyder’s grip never left Jack’s throat, not until he was blue in the face, not until his gasps of air weakened and became farther apart from the last, not until Jack was lying there, motionless on the carpet, all the life gone from his body. Snyder laughed loudly and with pride. He had finally done it. Finally gotten rid of the damn Kelly boy. His laughs got louder and filled the apartment and –

Jack gasps loudly on the couch, his heart pounding. He coughs violently and pushes himself up to run to the bathroom sink, turning on the faucet and splashing himself with water. When he finally calms down he goes to his room and to the cabinet next to his bed. He opens the drawer to find a cell phone. Both him and his brothers had been given one a week after Jack was released from the hospital. Jack hasn't used it yet but he remembered Crutchie saying something about putting numbers in the phone for him. With his fingers shaking he scrolls to the very short list of contacts until he finds the name he’s looking for.

 **Need you.** He types out and watches as the phone says the message was delivered.

About twelve minutes later he gets a reply.

_Jack?_

**Yes.**

_Are you okay?_

**No.**

_Jack what’s wrong? I’m in class. I’m hiding my phone in my desk._

**You said you cared about me.**

_Of course I do, Jack._

**Then you need to come here.**

There’s no response after he sends the last message and Jack feels himself falling. He goes back under the covers of his bed and shakes his head. Why did he even text him? Stupid. He’s so stupid. He lies there under the covers because there’s nothing else for him to do. He doesn’t know what else to do. His purpose in the world has been taken away, beaten out of him.

The tears form and then they don’t stop falling. It’s a few minutes later when he thinks he hears the chime of his phone but he can’t tell from the sound of his crying. He pulls the covers down and checks his phone and his eyes widen.

_Ok. I’m on my way._

Davey’s coming. Jack asked for Davey and he’s coming. Jack doesn’t believe it’s real until Davey’s there.

“Sorry it took so long,” Davey explains. “I had to sneak out as we were switching classes and then wait for the bus. What’s going on? Mr. K was surprised to see me here.”

“You’re here,” is all Jack says.

Davey nods and sits next to Jack on the couch. “Yeah I am.”

“Why?”

“Well you asked me to come here.”

“But why did you listen?” Jack asks. “We haven’t really known each other that long.”

“We were neighbors, Jack. We went to the park together with our brothers. You’ve helped me with my art classes. We’re friends. I told you about Sarah. I was there when Snyder… I saw what happened to you. A lot can happen in a short amount of time, Jack. You’re my friend.”

“You care about me.”

Davey nods.  “I care about you.”

Jack can feel the tears build up again and even though he fights them they fall. He wipes them away but they just keep coming. Davey scoots closer, gently pushes Jack head so it’s resting on his shoulder and Jack just lets loose. Let’s the tears fall.

Davey doesn’t say anything. He sits there as Jack cries and decides he’ll sit there all day if he needs to.


	21. Chapter 21

Jack’s stomach feels like it’s doing flip flops when he sits in Dr. Hearst’s office a few days later.  They are twenty five minutes into their hour long session and a sense of pride hasn’t left Dr. Hearst’s face once, not since the first question she asked was followed by a response from Jack. An actual response, too. Not a quick _I dunno_ when he doesn’t want to answer the question or a _Yeah I guess_ when he doesn’t want to admit she’s right. Something about Davey got to him. He didn’t feel weak when he cried in his arms. He felt relived. When it was all over and the tears were drying and he was catching his breath he felt _calm._

So here they are twenty five minutes later still talking. Dr. Hearst doesn’t comment about how Jack tends to dig his fingernails into his palm. She’s patient, lets him sit for a moment to gather his thoughts, tells him he’s doing a good job, and that she’s proud of him. Jack just digs his fingernails in deeper.

“Why were you so shocked that Davey came over?”

Jack stares at his shoes. It’s on old pair that he’s had for awhile with too many dirt stains.

“I never had anyone that did that,” he finally says. “I never had anyone that needed to. Crutchie and Race lived with me, ya know?”

Dr. Hearst nods but stays silent, giving him that look that he knows means she wants him to keep talking and explain himself.

“Usually I was the one that was there for people.”

“Like Charlie and Anthony? And Elmer?”

“Elmer always had me. I’m all he knew. I guess after the first time I stood up for Race and Crutchie it just became routine.”

“It must feel weird,” Dr. Hearst states, “To be the one needing the help. To have the roles be reversed.”

“It’s whatever.”

“Mr. Kloppman would say otherwise.”

Jack scoffs. “He doesn’t know anything.”

“He knows that you and your brothers have a strong bond. He sees that you’re withdrawn at the house and that you’re not adjusting as well as they are.”

“It’s not rocket science to know that,” Jack interrupts. “Yeah, he saw me freak out. He’s the reason I’m here. But just cause he sees things doesn’t mean he knows things, knows what I’m thinking.”

“Nobody knows that but you, Jack. You keep it all bundled up.”

“Cause it ain’t nobody’s business!”

“Then why did you want Davey to come over?”

Jack huffs and curls his hands into fists. He looks down at the floor at his shoes again and tries to control his breathing.

“Something set you off, Jack,” Dr. Hearst continues. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened! I woke up, ate breakfast with my brothers, they went to school, I watched tv. Nothing interesting.”

“Is that the routine you had at your last foster home?”

“Pretty much. Snyder ate first though. I always got up first to make it.”

“So you made breakfast at your last foster home?”

 “Yeah. Every day.”

“Do you make breakfast at Mr. Kloppman’s?”

“Not yet. Everyone has chores there. Different people make breakfast each week.”

“Well that’s a different routine,” Dr. Hearst notes. “Do you like not having to make breakfast every day?”

Jack shrugs. “I get to sleep in.”

“What about school? Did you help your brothers with that?”

“Crutchie always liked to talk about something that was gonna happen that day in his classes while we waited for the bus. Race was always about to leave something behind unless he was reminded.”

Dr. Hearst smiled when the last comment made Jack chuckle.

“Do you still wait for the bus with them?”

“The group home is close enough for them to walk.”

“Well do you walk to school with them?”

“Why?” Jack asks, “So the other students can wonder why I’m not in school with them? It doesn’t matter. They’re usually out the door with the rest of the foster kids anyway.”

“Does that upset you?”

“Does what upset me?”

“That your brothers have created their own routine.”

“Why would I care?”

“Because you do care,” Dr. Hearst argues. “You’re the one who said that your brothers coming to you for help became routine. I read the files, Jack. I know what happened in your last foster home. I know how you _and_ your brothers were treated. You convinced yourself that you had specifics things you needed to do for them to protect them, which you did everyday for two years. You invested your whole life in them. Elmer is the only one biologically related to you and yet to you they're all your brothers and that's why you protected them. Now there isn’t anything to protect them from, is there? The routine has changed and they are able to go off with the other kids instead coming to you.”

“I don’t know what you’re getting at,” Jack says.

Dr. Hearst sighs. “You know that Mr. Kloppman and I communicate weekly, correct? What we talk about will always stay between you and me but I still I work with both him and your social worker. In order for this process to work we need to be on the same page. The three of us communicate to determine whether or not this is an appropriate placement for you so that means Mr. Kloppman tells me if there are any concerns that he is having. And right now he’s concerned that you are having a difficult time adjusting _because_ your brothers are doing okay.”

 “That’s crazy. Why wouldn’t I be happy that my brothers are happy? That they’re safe?” Jack fumes. “They’re my brothers! I want what’s best for them!”

“But is it what’s best for you?”

Jack growls and puts his head in his hands. “I don’t understand you, lady.”

“The routine that you had, Jack. Was it really for them? Or was it for you?”

Jack thinks he’s going to draw blood with how hard his fingernails are pressing into his skin. The flip flop feeling in his stomach is intensifying and he doesn’t want to be on this couch. He wants to be back on his bed, he wants Davey’s arms around him, wants to hear Davey telling him that he’s not going to leave.

“Jack?”

“I dunno.” It's all Jack says. He sits back against the couch with his arms crossed and doesn’t talk for the rest of the session.

When he’s back at the group home it only takes about ten minutes before Race is in his bedroom and sitting next to him on his bed.

“You okay?”

Jack rolls his eyes. “Is everyone talking about me behind my back?”

Race looks at him sympathetically. “I’m sorry. I can go,” he says he starts to get up but Jack stops him.

“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Race nods and looks down at his hands. Jack can instantly tell that’s something wrong. He sits up and puts his arms around him.

“What’s going on, Racer?”

“I heard Mr. K talking. He said something about Snyder and a trial.”

“I guess it was gonna happen sooner or later.”

“Do you think we’ll have to testify?” Racer asks.

“We might,” Jack admits. “We are the ones that brought him down.”

“I don’t want to see him,” Race whispers and Jack pulls him closer. “Hey,” Jack says, “He can’t do anything. He’s not gonna win whatever trial they put him through. You’re safe. I’m here.”

Race nods and leans into Jack’s embrace. “Can I stay here for a little bit?”

Jack ruffles his hair. “You can stay as long as you want.”

They sit together in silence and it reminds Jack of how Davey held him. It reminds him of all the times Race had snuck into his room at Snyder’s after everyone had gone to sleep and how Jack would reassure him in the same way that everything was okay. Those days feel so long ago.

He thinks about what Dr. Hearst said and he can’t get her voice out of his head because he knows she’s right.

Elmer, Race, and Crutchie, they might have needed Jack, wanted him to protect them, but the truth is he’s needed them more than they’ve ever needed him.


	22. Chapter 22

Jack ends up texting Davey the next day and when the afternoon came the boys found themselves on the fire escape of Mr. Kloppman's building.

"Just like old times," Davey grins and Jack couldn't help but return the smile.

"So, how are you doing?" Davey asks.

"Kinda nervous."

"About what?"

"You think I'll have to go to court or anything?" Jack wonders. Davey's smile fell and his lips pursed. "I've been in touch with Katherine," he admits, "and she has been in the works of testifying against her father. She wants justice for the lives he ruined. Those other kids didn't deserve to go through what you went through."

"I don't know if I could face Snyder," Jack whispers, "but my brother's don't need to go through a trial either. I'd do it if it mean they didn't have to."

Davey put his hand on Jack's. "That's very brave of you."

Jack doesn't respond but he doesn't move his hand away from Davey. He listened to the sounds of the city around him.

"I need to get outta here," he says. "I don't go anywhere except to that doctor's office. Sometimes my skin has this itch that I can't scratch, that makes me feel like I want to rip the skin apart."

"There's a movie I've wanted to see. Medda has a showing tomorrow afternoon. I can meet you there after school?"

Jack nods. "Yeah. That sounds good."

"Thanks for telling me how you felt. I know you don't like going to her but I think you're making great progress with your therapist."

Jack huffs and rolls his eyes and Davey smiles as pushes him gently with his shoulder. "Hey man just take the compliment," he says as he pushes himself up onto his feet. "I have to get going but I'll see you tomorrow? Around 4:30?"

"Alright," Jack replies.

He sleeps good that night, his body drifting to sleep the moment he touches the sheets. The next morning he's up and out of bed with the rest of the boys in the home. Mr. K hides his surprise.

"It's nice to see you up this early," he says.

"Is it okay if I go out later?" Jack asks.

"Of course. Where are you going?"

"To a movie," Jack tells him, "with Davey."

"None of your brothers are going?"

"Do you think they'll be mad?"

Mr. K gives him a reassuring smile. "Jack it's perfectly fine to do something just for yourself. Your brothers have lives of their own you know. Even little Elmer has a classmate that asked for a play date." He gives Jack a pat on the shoulder before walking away.

Jack finds himself staring at the clock most of the day and when the time comes to head over to the movie theater he finds himself nervous. _Quit it_ , he tells himself. _You used to not be scared of anything._ He walks to the movie theater thinking about how he walked these same streets with Elmer the night he left Snyder's for the first time. Fearless, not letting anything stop him from getting away. His therapist's voice is in his head again, telling him that maybe he should start doing things for himself; reminding him that Snyder isn’t there to control him anymore.

He spent all night wishing that she wasn't right but the truth kept him awake all night. She knew it, Mr. K knew it, and hell even Crutchie knew it and told him to his face; Snyder broke him. The Jack from two years ago wouldn't be reduced to the walls of someone's apartment. The Jack of today doesn't have that resistance. It's been beaten out of him.

But all those bruises have faded. From black and blue to green and yellow his body recovered with time while his mind stayed vulnerable and Jack's ready for his mind to catch up. The scars on his body prove that the Jack from two years ago has been there all along. They are marks of strength, marks of survival.

Snyder threw his worst at him and he _survived_.

Snyder tried to keep him confined but he's out of his grip. Snyder tried to make him think that he was nothing and that he had no purpose other than to serve others but here he is doing something for himself. Snyder tried to get rid of him but Jack's not going anywhere.

The sense of pride he has by the time he reaches the movie theater multiplies by a hundred when he sees Davey waiting for him. Davey's looking at his phone when Jack calls out to him and waves. Jack walks up to him and gives him a hug.

"What's this for?" Davey laughs as he returns the hug.

"I'm at the movies."

"Yeah, we agreed to come here."

"You asked me to come to the movies and I wanted to so I did. I told Mr. K that I was going, I said goodbye to my brothers, and I left. To do something I wanted to do. And there's no consequences! No apartment that wouldn't be cleaned if I wasn't there, no dinner that wouldn't be made if I don't get home on time. No one yelling at me or hitting me," Jack says, his voice fast and excited.

"This is an important moment," Davey tells Jack, "It's just an afternoon at the movies but it's gonna be a moment you'll remember for a long time. I'm glad I'm here with you."

And Davey's right.

When it's time to get back into bed again all Jack can think about is that afternoon. He had gotten a twenty from Mr. K as he gave all the boys an allowance and he and Davey picked out snacks together. They got popcorn and sodas and free candy courtesy of Medda who had been full of joy in seeing Jack. They sat in the back of the theater and stuffed their face with all their food as they laughed together at the funny parts of the movie. All Jack could think about as he walked into the group home was that he couldn't wait to be back outside.

He took Elmer to the park the next day, went with Race to the comic book store another day. He and Crutchie got a hot dog together at a nearby stand just the two of them. When Jack wants to go somewhere with his brothers he goes. When Jack doesn't want to go somewhere with them he doesn't and usually goes off with Davey instead. Some days he doesn't want to go anywhere and stays in his bed.

He's stopped despising Dr. Hearst and their sessions are no longer filled with awkward silence. It's been a good couple of months when Mr. K asks Jack to come into his office and slowly closes the door behind him.

"What's up?" Jack asks and Mr. K sighs.

"Well to be honest I'm kind of nervous."

"About what?"

"About what I'm going to ask you next."

"And that is?"

"Do you think you would want to go to court regarding the abuse you have experienced?" Mr. K asks getting straight to the point. Jack likes that about him. He never tries to sugarcoat things with Jack.

"I made up my mind awhile ago that I'd testify against Snyder."

"It wouldn't be just Mr. Snyder," Mr. K informs him, "Mr. Pulitzer's own trial has been ongoing and the events at Mr. Wiesel's apartment are being brought up. Would you be able to face all three of them?"

"There were other boys like me, right? That they hurt and tried to get rid of?"

"Yes, you were the fourth."

"Did they ever find the other boys?" Jack asked.

"They were able to locate one of them. He's in his mid twenties now and he will be at the trial."

"Pulitzer had been doing it long before me then. But it ended with me and I want to officially help it end," Jack says.

Mr. K nods. "Okay then."

Jack goes to leave the room when Mr. K stops him. "I'm proud of you, kid. You've come a long way."

Jack wants to smile but his stomach chooses that moment to start doing flip flops. He manages to get out a thank you before quickly walking out of the office and running towards the fire escape outside. When he's out there he takes out his cell phone and texts Davey.

**Fire escape. You free?**

_I just finished dinner. Be there in a half hour._

**Thanks.**

_No problem :)_

He sits back and pulls his knees up to his chest and spends the time waiting for Davey with his head down. His stomach doesn't feel any better. He can't stop this feeling that he wants to cry or throw up. That he wants to disappear. The feeling is so overwhelming that when Davey finally arrives Jack is in tears.

"Hey, hey," Davey says, instantly sitting next to him and putting his arm around Jack. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Jack cries, lifting his head. Davey reaches over and wipes the tears off his cheek. "I said I'd testify," Jack informs him.

"Well that's something." He gently pushes Jack head so it's lying against his shoulder.

"I'm testifying against all of them. Snyder, Pulitzer, Weisel. All of them are gonna rot in jail."

"It's where they belong," Davey says, looking at Jack. He's quiet, staring ahead, and Davey can recognize the distant stare that he used to always have.

"It's okay to be nervous, Jack."

Jack scoffs.

"I know you've been embracing this fearless attitude but you don't need to have it all the time. You're doing something scary, Jack. You have every right to be scared. It doesn't mean you've taken a step back in your progress. Facing the men who hurt you is part of the progress."

"You always know what to say," Jack whispers.

Davey looks at Jack and smiles as Jack looks back at him. The sounds of the city start to get muffled and all Davey can hear is their breathing. Jack's still looking at him and Davey can't help but move his head forward ever so slowly. Jack leans into his movement and his eyes gaze from Davey's eyes to his lips that are slowly getting closer, and closer, and -

Jack used to listen to his mom talk about Disney movies she watched when she was a child. She'd go on and on about true love's kiss and how she's still waiting for that prince to come, to wake her up and take her away, take her back to Santa Fe. 

He doesn't feel his stomach doing flip flops anymore. All he feels is Davey's lips and Davey's tongue, and Jack thinks this might be his moment with the prince because every feeling of nervousness and anxiety has vanished. Davey has taken him away, out of his memories of the past and into these moments of the present where he finally feels alive.

Jack goes with Davey when leaves. It's a Friday night and he tells Mr. K he's spending the night, even before Davey's parents give him permission to do so once they've made it to his apartment. Davey held his hand the entire walk over and Jack's eyes immediately went to the window on the second floor that he used to look out of. Davey gives his hand a squeeze and Jack follows him inside the building, up the stairs and past the door that used to be his. Davey says a couple moved in a month ago.

Les is excited too see him. He goes on and on about stuff in his life until their mom redirects him to something else. They make microwave popcorn and watch movies in Davey's room. His mom gives him a sleeping bag but Jack falls asleep in Davey's bed and in his arms.

The next day when he's back at the group home his bed feels wrong and it takes him a moment to realize it's because he wishes Davey were there in it.


	23. Chapter 23

The trial happens.

Jack spends the week before going over everything with the district attorney. He tells him how the trial is going to go, what will be happening and when, and what type of questions he’ll be asked. He sees Katherine one day as he and Mr. K walk back to the car and she embraces him in a hug.

“How have you been doing?”

Jack shrugs but gives a small smile. “Better,” he says. He looks back at the building behind him. “Is it scary?”

“It’s intimidating,” she admits, “but I think you’ll be fine. You’re a strong kid.”

Jack nods. He’s thankful that Snyder was only a foster parent. He can’t imagine what it’s like for Katherine to talk against her own father.

She’s there when it’s his turn to testify. She squeezes his hand and gives him a reassuring look. “You can look at me you get nervous. Just focus on me. I’m on your side and everything I’ve said will back up what you say. You got this, Jack.”

The defense attorney tells them it’s time to go inside and Jack sits. He watches as they walk in one by one; Pulitzer, Wiesel, and Snyder.

Snyder has his usual glare and that’s before he even sees Jack. Katherine takes his hand again, gives him another gentle squeeze, and Jack averts his eyes.

_You can do this. You can do this. You can do this._

Jack repeats the words in his head and it’s all he can really hear until the district attorney says, “We’d like to bring Jack Kelly to the stand.”

Jack stands shakily and makes his way over to where he needs to sit. He glances towards the three men before finding Katherine, and then his eyes are on the district attorney.

“Jack can you tell me how you know Joseph Pulitzer?”

He tells the jury.

He tells them that Pulitzer was his social worker and that he put him in a foster home with Snyder.

He tells them him and his brothers; about the bruises, about the welts, and about the closet.

He tells them about that dirty mattress in Wiesel’s apartment; about the pain, the hopelessness, and the fear.

He focuses on Katherine but glances a few times towards the jury he’s speaking to. Some stay serious while others have looks of pity on their faces. Jack thinks the pity gets worse once the district attorney shows the pictures that were taken in the hospital after Jack was rescued. He can feel the hands slapping him, the feet kicking him, and the belt whipping him as he looks at the pictures of his injuries, fresh and bloody.  The next exhibit is a recent picture of his back to show the scars, to show that these three men wanted to hurt him as badly as they could and that they did. That they left their mark.

When the day is over Jack is exhausted. His brothers are in his room when he arrives and are eager to hear about it.

“I told them everything,” he says.

“Do you think they believed you?” Race asks.

“They saw the pictures. Katherine’s been feeding them Pulitzer’s dirty secrets too. They gotta believe us.”

“They will,” Crutchie tells him, his voice full of hope. “They’ll believe you.”

Jack doesn’t answer. He just stares at the floor and his brothers know it’s a sign that he’s getting stuck in his head. Like Mr. K and Davey they’ve come to accept when it’s time for Jack to be left alone.

“Let us know if you need anything,” Crutchie says and Race nods in agreement. They’re about to walk off when Jack tells them to stop.

“You can stay,” he whispers, “I don’t think I want to be alone this time.”

Race is instantly throwing his arms around his brother and hugging him tightly. Crutchie’s arms are around him next and Elmer squeezes in whatever spot he can. They stay like that for a few minutes until Mr. K. calls out the signal that it’s time to eat.

“Tell him I’ll eat later,” Jack says to Crutchie and Race as they walk out of the bedroom. Elmer stays though, and watches as his brother lies down on the bed, and then he joins him. Jack puts his arms over Elmer’s small body and drags him closer. Elmer traces his fingers along Jack’s arm like he used to do. The comfort of his baby brother is still there and for the first time all day Jack exhales the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding and feels relieved.

In his last session his therapist had told him to celebrate everything he has been accomplishing; the leisurely activities that he does with his brothers and with Davey, the trusting relationship that he is slowly gaining with Mr. K, who had bought him a new paint set a few weeks ago which resulting in Jack getting back into painting, and to celebrate being him and just being alive. Elmer’s eyes start to droop and he fades off into a light sleep. He can ear the sounds of Crutchie and Race eating their dinner and chatting with the other boys. He feels safe.

A week later Pulitzer, Weisel, and Snyder are found guilty of their crimes.

His brothers are so happy that they all run at him at once, making them fall onto Jack’s bed in a fit of cheer as they embrace him.

Mr. K. gives him a pat on the back, and Katherine calls him a few hours.

He tells Davey as he runs his finger through Jack’s hair and holds him close. He shoots up into a sitting position and he holds onto Jack tighter than his brothers did, stares at Jack longingly and lovingly, and tells him how proud he is of him. As he lies in Davey’s bed that night listening to Davey’s soft snores as he sleeps next to him Jack is thinking about what his therapist said again about his accomplishments. Mr. K had given him information about going for his GED as an alternate to the high school diploma he has missed out on. He’s been attending classes in preparation and has decided to look into any type of art programs he can get into in the future.

When he finally falls asleep he has a familiar dream. He’s at Grand Central Station with his bags packed. The sign in front of him says that the next train departs to Santa Fe. He looks over at the seat next to him but instead of seeing his mom it’s empty. The train rolls in. Everyone around him picks up their belongings and makes their way inside but Jack stays sitting. The conductor gives the last call but Jack stays sitting. The horn goes off and the train departs but Jack stays sitting. Slowly a new crowd surrounds him as they wait for the next train to come and take them to the next city on the list. Jack finally gets up. He takes his bags and leaves the station. He’s walking and walking until he hears someone call his name. Jack turns around and sees them. Elmer. Crutchie. Race. Mr. K. Katherine. Medda.

Davey.

Jack puts his bags down and embraces his boyfriend. He smiles at his brothers and his friends. Jack pulls Davey into a kiss.

When Jack awakes the next morning he realizes his newest accomplishments.

For the first time Jack realizes how loved he is. For the first time Santa Fe is no longer a desire. For the first time it's clear that New York is where he belongs.

There’s no need to get away anymore because everything Jack has ever wanted is right here and he wouldn't want it any other way.

 

 

 

_The end._


	24. Thank You

I would like to give a very big thank you.

Thank you to all who read this story and to all who left kudos and comments.

Thank you for sticking with me until the end. This is the first chapter story I’ve written and completed and I am happy that it was written for this fandom.

You are all amazing!

♥

\- giveupgetdown

**Author's Note:**

> Jack - 17  
> Crutchie - 15 (Jack's foster brother)  
> Racetrack - 12 (Jack's foster brother)  
> Elmer - 4 (Jack's biological half brother)  
> Davey - 17  
> Les - 7
> 
> Title: Alan Menken - Santa Fe
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
